Hire Charlie Sheen's Passion for Baseball, Fire His Steroid Use

Sheen: steroid pioneer?

People can and have said a lot of things about Charlie Sheen, but after his lengthy interview with Sports Illustrated it can now be said that Sheen genuinely loves baseball. Not surprisingly he went a bit overboard in his devotion to the game, admitting to using steroids when he filmed Major League. His passion is both admirable and a little scary.

Some of the interview highlights (all should be taken with a grain of salt, given the source):

"[Baseball] is not just a hobby, it's a religion. All I watch is MLB. I don't care what's going on in the friggin' world. This is what's going on in the world. Baseball is all that matters."

"When I saw the script [for Major League] it wasn't like catnip, it was like crack. I was going to a premiere, and I had a meeting with David Ward in the morning, so I had the script in the limo, and I was late because I couldn't put it down. Then I sat in the driveway for an hour to finish it."

"At the risk of being arrogant or grandiose, you have to admit that when Wild Thing comes in to get that final out (in Major League), it's one of the great sports entrances of all time. It was four in the morning, and I had been in the bullpen nodding off. This is pre-opiates-just good old-fashioned fatigue. It was so late that a lot of the extras had gone home. If you really slow the movie down and look, you can see cutouts of people in the stands."

Sheen, grandiose? Never! He went on to say that he typically had to throw 150 pitches in a day of filming, then came back the next day and pitched again. To deal with the stress on his arm he said he took steroids, which increased his pitch speed from 79 mph to around 85 mph but didn't make his arm feel a lot better. He also said the steroids messed with his emotions a bit, describing them as making him "bitchier than normal" but short of 'roid rage. Given what we know about Sheen now, the steroids may have had nothing to do with it.

Major League was released in 1989, which makes Sheen sort of an early adopter for steroid use in baseball (even if it was only a movie). We've been lead to believe that Jose Canseco pioneered steroid use in the majors starting in the late 80s, but who knows when it really began or who started it? Whenever Canseco writes his next book he may claim to have injected Sheen himself, but Sheen's admission raises some questions as to how far back steroid use goes in baseball. We'll never know for sure, but it's an interesting issue. 

Fire TO's Career Continuing

More TO? Oh, no. (Getty)

After it was revealed that former Bengals WR Terrell Owens had surgery to repair a torn ACL in April, his agent, Drew "Next Question" Rosenhaus, said TO is not retiring and will be ready to go when the NFL season starts (or as early as August). There's no way he'll be recovered by then and he should retire.

Rosenhaus said: "The old injury has been repaired. He is many months into recovery and doing fantastic. No predictions on training camp, but he comes back fast from injuries. I won't rule him out of anything. He will be a starting receiver for someone this year."
 

Since when is two months of rehab "many months into recovery"? That logistical silliness aside, few players ever have recovered from this surgery in five months as TO would have to do to be ready in August. About the only football player to recover from this injury in under 8-9 months was fitness freak Jerry Rice, who recovered from a torn ACL in 3.5 months in 1997 but re-injured his leg in his first game back and missed the rest of the season. More recently, Patriots mighty mite WR Wes Welker tore his ACL and MCL in January 2010, and though he made it back for the start of the 2010 season, he admitted to being less than 100% in September. And let's not forget that TO went on IR in late December due to a torn meniscus.

TO doesn't have a team. TO will turn 38 during the 2011 season. He played considerably better in 2010 than he did in 2009, but 2009 was the worst season of his career. He has a bit left and he probably does want to play. He may even find a team willing to give him a shot since he seems to be less of the locker-room cancer that he once was. But given his history and the overwhelming numbers of young WRs looking to make a name for themselves, why should anyone bother with TO? Owens may not retire voluntarily, but there's no way he'll be ready to go in September (if the NFL is even ready to go then), and by the time he is ready it could be too late for him to do anything in 2011. He should walk away and his agent should go away. 

Fire the NCAA's Handling of Players Selling Jerseys

Ohio State can sell this, but the guy who wears it cannot.

In the last few years the NCAA has tried to crack down on football players who sell their jerseys (we have been lead to believe basketball players aren't in on this), but it seems the governing body is fighting a losing and fruitless battle as new revelations surface regularly about players who cashed in on their memorabilia. Add Miami Dolphins LB Channing Crowder to that list after he said recently that he "hypothetically" sold his college jerseys to businessmen "that really hypothetically liked [his] play."

The NCAA gets all upset when guys like Terrelle Pryor sell their jerseys because they are getting a benefit not available to other students. While that's true, so what? A lot of these guys have little-to-no money of their own so this isn't a case of the rich getting richer. Beyond that, the most important thing to the NCAA is keeping a level playing field. Theoretically any player is equally capable of selling his jerseys regardless of his star status or school, but we all know a Pryor jersey is more coveted than some practice-squad guy's uni. Even so, how many players would really be swayed to attend a school just because they know they might be able to make a few hundred dollars here and there over their four two-three years at the school? And let's not forget the hypocrisy of it being ok for schools like Ohio State to license or sell Pryor jerseys for $74.99.

It's clear the NCAA is fighting a losing battle on this. They catch a few guys selling jerseys here and there and make an example of them, but it seems pretty safe to assume that many players have been getting away with this stuff for years and that this "scandal" isn't limited to football. The NCAA has far bigger problems than jersey selling, and should stop making this issue a major enforcement effort.

Fire Arizona Cardinals Bribing Politicians

Bill Bidwill's franchise loves politicians.

The Arizona Cardinals decided if you can't beat 'em, buy, 'em. According to the Arizona Republic, the Cardinals gave free tickets to state lawmakers between 2006-2009 in order to get preferential treatment from the Arizona Legislature over stadium-sharing issues with the Fiesta Bowl. Even if the practice has stopped, the Cardinals and the politicians who took tickets should be fired.

We know the Fiesta Bowl is about as corrupt as a sports organization can be this side of FIFA, and apparently the Cardinals felt the need to keep up with the scumbag Joneses after the legislature sided with the Fiesta Bowl several times at the expense of the Cardinals.

The bottom line is pretty obvious on this one but when adults misbehave even though they know better, they have to be treated like kindergartners. To the politicians - don't take bribes. To the Cardinals - don't bribe politicians, and also don't forget the first rule of bribes: don't talk about the bribes (they did). Hopefully we've all learned something from this incident, but probably not. Either way, the Cardinals should be fined by the NFL and politicians who take bribes should be removed form office.   

Friday Firings: Washington Nationals Edition

Riggleman is pretty selfish. (AP)

For the Washington Nationals, it is both the best of times and the worst of times. The Nationals are fresh off an 8-game winning streak and are 38-37, the latest the team has been above .500 since 2005. But after a 1-0 walkoff win over the Mariners on Thursday, manager Jim Riggleman resigned and potentially destroyed the momentum the team had built.

Fire Jim Riggleman -Riggleman said he resigned because the Nationals were not willing to discuss this week extending his contract, which would have expired at the end of the season. Riggleman has said in the past that not having a deal for 2012 undermined his leadership and said yesterday that GM Mike Rizzo's unwillingness to discuss the deal is disrespectful. Riggleman's contract was among the least lucrative in baseball so his frustration is not without merit. But even in an age in which selfish behavior is increasingly tolerated, Riggleman's self-absorption is on another level because he sabotaged his team and may have undone all the progress it has made. A needless distraction now exists in Washington as players will spend weeks answering questions about how they are doing without their former skipper. Riggleman said he doesn't know if anyone else will hire him and based on his actions, they shouldn't.   

Fire Mike Rizzo - If the Nationals return to their losing ways, Mike Rizzo is partly to blame. Riggleman did more than enough to justify a contract extension (or at least a discussion), and even if Rizzo didn't want Riggleman to push him around, he can't deny that Riggleman had the team playing its best ball in six years. As such, Riggleman needed to be appeased. Instead, Rizzo was complicit in Riggleman's sabotage, and as such he is no better. He is also sending a terrible message to future Nationals managers that success may not be rewarded. Why, then, would anyone who's any good want to manage the team for very long?

The Nationals have struggled to draw fans since they migrated from Montreal, and the Riggleman/Rizzo debacle is going to set the team back in its quest for baseball relevance. Fire them both.

Fire Joe Buck

Buck is bad, Emmy Award or no.

It's pretty well documented that Tim McCarver is a terrible broadcaster (Family Guy even mocked him), but McCarver's special brand of awfullness sometimes overshadows just how bad his boothmate, Joe Buck, can be.

During FOX's June 18 broadcast of the Yankees/Cubs game at Wrigley, Yankee closer extraordinaire Mariano Rivera gave up a solo home run in the bottom of the 9th to Chicago's anonymous OF Reed Johnson, putting the Cubs within one run. Buck apparently didn't know the score, and when Johnson's shot landed in the stands Buck excitedly said that the game was tied. After a few moments he issued a correction that the score was, in fact, 4-3 Yankees. Maybe Buck stopped paying attention because, as he said in 2008, he doesn't like watching baseball.  

Fortunately the Internet has come to the rescue, as usual. There is a petition (started by the Mets blog, The Daily Stache) requesting that immortal Dodgers announcer Vin Scully (literally immortal - he called his first MLB game in 1950) call the 2011 World Series. Join the HR Department (proud petition signer number 3,698!) and help get Scully into the booth for at least a portion of the World Series because nobody out there is looking forward to up to 28 hours listening to Joe and Tim.

Hire Some Athletes' Excuses for Drug Test Failures

Athletes who fail drug tests are usually liars, except when they aren't. Rams LB David Vobra was recently awarded $5.4 million in a lawsuit against a Florida supplement maker that was found to have intentionally misled Vobra to believe that a supplement he took contained no banned substances. It's pretty rare that an athlete doesn't know when he's cheating, but the next time some presumed drug cheat says "I didn't know!" it could be believable.

Vobora's lawyers said he used "Ultimate Sports Spray" in June 2009 without knowing it contained the banned substance methyltestosterone. He later failed a drug test and was suspended. Vobra accused the supplement maker of intentionally misleading him, damaging his reputation, and costing him money. Vobra lost about $250,000 due to the suspension, plus the court awarded him damages and lost future earnings.

Although Vobra has sort of been absolved of wrongdoing (he still failed a test), the NFL will not be expunging his record. That's a shame, because people make mistakes and it seems like in this instance Vobra really was not trying to cheat. This almost never happens, and the NFL should make a good-will gesture in this case. The next time we hear someone like Floyd Landis say he failed a drug test because he drank too much the night before peeing in a cup, we're not going to believe him. Sports fans are just too cynical. But now that at least one athlete genuinely did not know he was cheating, there is a glimmer of hope that the public will reserve some benefit of the doubt because not everyone who fails a test is guilty.

Hire Bud Selig Wrecking Frank McCourt's Plan

Don't mess with Bud.

As Richard Vernon (played by Paul Gleason) said in The Breakfast Club: "Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns." Right now Dodgers "owner" Frank McCourt is getting the horns of MLB Commissioner Bud Selig given that Selig has rejected a TV deal that would have resolved McCourt's divorce case and helped him keep the team. Selig made the right move.

Selig said in a statement that: "This decision was reached after a full and careful consideration of the terms of the proposed transaction and the club's current circumstances It is my conclusion that this proposed transaction with FOX would not be in the best interests of the Los Angeles Dodgers franchise, the game of Baseball and the millions of loyal fans of this historic club." Bud also said he sent McCourt details about why the proposal was rejected, but those are not publicly available at this time.

Conspiracy theorists will probably go off on Bud about this, especially since pro teams always get the vast majority of their revenue from television deals and without the deal, McCourt probably can't afford to make payroll. Whatever the reason for rejecting the deal, legitimate or not, Selig wants to get rid of McCourt as soon as possible and he's going to do what it takes to make that happen.

It's not just that McCourt jeopardized the health of a flagship franchise with his messy divorce, he used the team like an ATM. Selig is making the right move by booting him from baseball, even if his means could be a little shady.

 

Fire and Hire Golf Without Tiger

He's every bit as watchable as Tiger.

As you know, Sunday was Father's Day - the one day men can watch whatever they want on television. Based on ratings from Rory McIlroy's genuinely impressive run at a U.S. Open title, what men wanted to watch wasn't golf.

The final-round ratings were down 26% from the 2010 U.S. Open, in which Graeme McDowell beat Gregory Havret by one stroke and Phil Mickelson and Tiger Woods finished tied for fourth.

McIlroy's story was pretty compelling - humble and talented young guy who collapsed like a Jenga set under the pressure at the 2011 Master's, then rallied his mind and his game to dominate at the Open. Tiger Woods never had to show that kind of mental mettle because he's really never been an underdog. And still, not as many viewers wanted to see Rory on Sunday as watched the final round last year.

McIlroy isn't so much the anti-Tiger as he is a nice alternative. He has mostly dominated the field this year, leading in 7/8 rounds at the two majors, something that is every bit on the old Tiger's level. Unlike Tiger, however, he isn't a robot during interviews who shows contempt for anyone who would dare ask him a question. Yet none of that was enough to stop the ratings plunge, so maybe golf in the U.S. can't be very popular without a golfer from the U.S doing well in a major.

The HR Department normally doesn't watch golf at all, but McIlroy was compelling enough that we tuned in on Sunday. It's a shame that more people didn't do the same thing, because they missed a nice golf moment that included a nice Father's Day moment (McIlroy hugged it out with his Dad after he won). Hopefully Rory or someone else will continue to play well enough that golf can recover from its Tiger obsession.    

Friday Firings: Mark Cuban Detractor, Greg Anderson Coaching Little League

Every Friday the HR Department takes on several issues or people that need to be sent packing. This week, we defend Mark Cuban (not always easy) and criticize Greg Anderson (pretty easy).

Ultimately Cuban just wants to have fun.

Fire Fay Vincent's Criticism of Mark Cuban - Fay Vincent, the last MLB commissioner who wasn't a joke, said recently that Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is "a real problem in basketball." Vincent's reasoning? "I think it's more important for owners to be gentlemen, play by the rules, respect the authorities, do what's good for the sport, than it is to manage his franchise to total success," he said. He went on to compare Cuban with George Steinbrenner. Cuban is not the new Steinbrenner (that's Dan Snyder). Sure, Cuban has been a pain in the butt for up-tight NBA commissioner David Stern, but besides criticism of officials and sometimes childish but ultimately harmless behavior, what has he done that's so bad? Cuban's players like him and he treats the fans right. Anonymous owners are boring, and Cuban has done his part to draw attention and interest not only to his team but the league. His actions do far more to help his investment than hurt it. Does Cuban have some growing up to do at 52? Yep, but Dallas fans would rather have him in charge than Snyder, Steinbrenner, or a whole host of other owners.

Fire Greg Anderson's Little League Participation - After several years of coaching his son's youth baseball team, Barry Bonds' former trainer, Greg Anderson, was finally barred from the league because a parent complained. The only real surprise here is that it took this long considering how much youth sports parents love to complain (Hey parents - your kid isn't the next star. Deal with it.) The main issue wasn't that Anderson is a convicted steroids dealer, but that he hadn't undergone a background check, which is required of coaches. People who work with kids should undergo background checks, and it's really a mystery that no one noticed Anderson was unregistered until now. It's not like he's going to start giving "the cream" and "the clear" to 10-year-olds, but he's probably not the best influence on young ballplayers, either. Youth sports leagues aren't doing enough to simply make background checks a requirement - they need to actually make sure coaches are being screened. If Anderson wants to coach his son on his own time no one can stop him, but he should not be involved with the league.

Fire Post-Game Fan Riots

Why? (http://yfrog.com/hs3vmyfij)

It seems some people in Vancouver got a bit angry last night after the Canucks lost Game 7 of the Stanley Cup final and decided that the best way to vent would be by setting cars and garbage cans on fire, smashing windows, throwing beer bottles and dancing on flipped-over vehicles.

Without a doubt, a very small percentage of Vancouver fans were involved in the destruction and it's probable that some anarchists who have no interest in hockey joined in the "fun." Canucks captain Henrik Sedin was quick to condemn the violence, saying "It's terrible. This city and province has a lot to be proud of, the team we have and the guys we have in here. It's too bad."

Why do riots happen after sporting events, sometimes even when the rioters' team won? Psychologists have theories. An article in today's Toronto Globe and Mail cited a psychologist who said the anonymity of crowds combined with alcohol make some people comfortable doing things they wouldn't normally, but that doesn't explain everything because: "They serve alcohol at church socials and in the theater, but you don't see these kinds of behaviors [there],”psychologist Christian End of Xavier University said.

Even if we knew exactly why sports riots happen, it would seem pretty tough to stop them completely. Police are limited by the whole "brutality" thing and depending on the size of the crowd, very few riot participants are arrested. That is the root problem - rioters usually get away with behaving badly. So we can either change laws to allow law enforcement to treat people like pinatas (seems unlikely), or we can do more to publicly and frequently condemn sports riots. There is no perfect solution, but change starts with people knowing riots won't be tolerated. Beyond that, as many rioters as possible should be locked up for at least 24 hours.

Sports aren't supposed to be about violence (except for maybe football, but don't let the NFL hear anyone say that), and it's tragic when something that should be a pleasant distraction from the everyday blahs turns so dark.

UPDATE: Vancouver police arrested around 100 people and nearly 150 people were hospitalized thanks to the riot.

Hire the Pirates

Yes, Virginia, the Pirates are decent. (Pirates)

Is there a HR Department jinx? We'll find out, because the Pittsburgh Pirates and their (mostly) anonymous lineup have quietly reached a 33-33 record as of June 15, which is probably the latest the team has sniffed a winning season since Bill Clinton's second term.

Norman Chad of the Washington Post, who said he is a Pirates fan for reasons unknown even to him, recently compiled a list of the Pirates' records from 1993-2010. The best was 79-83 (1997) and the worst was 57-105 (last year). The team hasn't won more than 68 games since 2004, which is what makes this season so surprising.

The turnaround can't be chalked up to an improved lineup - Pittsburgh's cleanup hitter is 2B Neil Walker, who is batting .256 this season and has 20 home runs total in his three MLB seasons. As a team, the Pirates are near the bottom of the league in runs scored (25th), batting average (26th), on-base percentage (23rd) and slugging percentage (26th).

The key to this vast improvement is pitching. The Pirates are 7th in the majors in team ERA (3.48) and 12th overall in quality starts with 39. Pittsburgh's pitching has been especially tough on right-handed batters, holding them to a .231 average and .298 on-base percentage this season. The defense is pretty solid, too, with only 39 errors in 66 games.

As weak as Pittsburgh's hitting is, the team will demand a lot of its pitchers all season. And with a run differential of -10, it's going to be pretty tough for the Pirates to make the playoffs. But for a team that is the least valuable franchise in baseball and has the third-lowest payroll, finishing at .500 would be a significant accomplishment. (As a side note, this must be the year of vindication for cheap owners - the Royals and Rays are the two teams behind the Pirates in payroll, and they both still have a shot at the playoffs.)

Hire MLB Realignment

Rumor has it that MLB is considering eliminating divisions and moving one team from the NL to the AL in order to create two 15-team leagues with five playoff teams per league. It's not a perfect idea, but hire it.

According to ESPN, the talks are serious though it's not clear how likely adoption of the plan could be.

This proposal would essentially return baseball to its pre-1969 alignment but with more playoff teams. Details on travel and scheduling haven't been released, but this has the potential to make all 15 teams within the league into rivals and it recognizes that some of the current divisions are consistently weak and don't deserve an automatic playoff birth. Despite the change, it actually wouldn't alter the playoff picture too drastically. If the new playoff format were in place and the season ended June 14, the AL playoff teams would be the Red Sox, Yankees, Indians, Rangers and Tigers; the NL teams would be the Phillies, Braves, Brewers, Cardinals and Giants.

Having a team change leagues also isn't a problem. Reportedly, the teams that could move to the AL are the Marlins or Astros. When Milwaukee changed leagues in 1998 there was some backlash, but it was short lived and today nobody really cares that the team moved. The same would likely happen with Florida or Houston, teams with small fan bases anyway.

The biggest issue, aside from unknown travel and scheduling issues, is that adding a fifth playoff team in each league would necessitate a bye for two teams. That's not ideal, but MLB can't add too many more playoff teams or it risks becoming the NBA where half the teams make the postseason and the regular season is pretty meaningless. More playoff teams means more fan interest, and if teams are vying for a playoff bye they will take late September games more seriously. Fans have voiced few complaints about the current divisional alignment, but what Phillies fan would miss seeing the Nationals 18-19 times per year? This idea is worth a try, and if it doesn't work MLB could always change it again.

Fire Putting All Blame on LeBron

It's going to be a long off-season for LeBron.

It's both easy and justifiable to hate LeBron James, especially now that the Heat failed to win a championship. While LeBron does deserve a share of the blame for Miami's loss since he disappeared in the 4th quarter a few times and seemed reluctant to take some big shots, all the LeBron haters need to realize that this loss wasn't entirely the King's fault. Here are three reasons to take some of the heat off James:

Miami Has Roster Holes: It was pretty widely acknowledged in the preseason that beyond the Big 3, Miami didn't have much of a team. Turns out it was true. In 4/6 games, Miami had at least one starter who finished the game with 0 points and Dallas' bench outscored Miami's bench in all but two games. In three games Miami got fewer than 20 points from its bench, and even in its best performance (40 points in game 5), Miami only outscored Dallas' bench by 8 points. 

Dirk Dominated: As much as some people want to make this series about LeBron's failure, it was really about Dirk Nowitzki's outstanding play. Except for missing a contested game-tying shot at the buzzer in game 2, Dirk did pretty much everything his team needed. Most importantly, he stepped up his game: Dirk averaged 23 points per game and seven rebounds per game during the regular season; he exceeded his ppg average in every game but two and his rpg average in all but one.

Miami is Wade's Team: If any one player should be the subject of finger pointing, it's Dwyane Wade. He recruited LeBron and Chris Bosh, and several Heat players have said over the course of the season that Wade is the top guy. As early as November 2009, ESPN reported that LeBron said he could play with Wade because "I don't need my own team.'' More recently, Wade said: "I want (the ball late in the fourth quarter). LeBron knew that." Wade outscored LeBron in 4/6 games, and led the team in scoring in those four games. In the two games LeBron outscored Wade, he did so by a total of six points. 

Yes, there is a lot to dislike about LeBron. Yes, he scored eight points in one game. Yes, he asked for a lot of this criticism. But in the end, James only shares the blame for the series loss and putting it all on him is almost as bad a choice as "The Decision."

Friday Firings: Kenny Britt, Oney Guillen, Iverson Return

Under most circumstances the HR Department fires a person or thing for a specific reason as opposed to just firing them outright because they have crossed some sort of proverbial line in the sand, but this week's edition of Friday Firings features 3 people who simply need to go away.

Britt outruns defenses but not the police.

Fire Kenny Britt - Titans WR Kenny Britt was arrested for marijuana possession and resisting arrest ONE DAY after pleading guilty to traffic-related charges stemming from an April incident in which he was going 71 mph in a 55 zone and then led police on a chase. Sadly Britt's rap sheet doesn't end there - he was arrested last year thanks to three unpaid traffic tickets and he stands accused of failing to pay a friend's bail bond. NFL commissioner Roger Goodell can't do anything until the league's labor dispute is settled, but Britt should definitely be suspended whenever play resumes and despite his obvious talents, the Titans would be wise to get rid of him.

Fire Oney Guillen -  Ozzie Guillen's son is at it again, and this time he has revealed some racist sentiment. In a tweet addressing the White Sox's top 2011 draft pick, Oney said: "Shocker the white sox pick another good athletic black kid. how about picking a good baseball player." Oney has gotten his dad in plenty of trouble before, and to his credit Ozzie essentially told his son to shut it. Ultimately, Oney is not a White Sox employee, the White Sox only drafted him in 2007 as a favor to Ozzie (he topped out in AAA where he played 1 game) and he needs to be quiet because he doesn't know what he's talking about.

Fire Allen Iverson Returning to the NBA - Iverson said this week that he wants to get back to the NBA. "Just give me a training camp," he said. "Maybe I've rubbed people the wrong way as far as saying the things I've said in my life and in my career. But if any team needs me to help try and win a championship in any capacity, I'm waiting." If NBA teams have any sense, he'll be waiting for quite some time. Iverson was a hall-of-fame calibre player, but he is simply not the answer to any team's needs anymore. He's 36 (with more than 900 pro games on his odometer), he only played 10 games in Turkey last season because of injuries and hasn't played a full season since his 2007-2008 campaign with Denver. He went to Turkey because no one in the U.S. wanted him last year, and AI has done nothing since to make those clubs change their minds. His NBA career should be finished.  

Fire the NCAA Forcing Titles to be Vacated

The NCAA is pretending this pic doesn't exist. (Getty Images)

Oklahoma football coach Bob Stoops said he won't accept the 2004 BCS title that the NCAA forced USC to vacate, underscoring the fact that taking away a team's title is a stupid punishment that should be fired.

Stoops, whose team lost to USC 55-19 in the 2005 Orange Bowl, said "I don't have any thoughts (on USC's situation) and we're not claiming any championships." So if Stoops gets his way, there will officially be no 2004 BCS champion, though USC will still be #1 in the Associated Press poll because it has no tie to the NCAA or its rules.

The NCAA is wrong once again. This is revisionist history that punishes the wrong people and puts teams that did nothing wrong in an awkward position. Stoops doesn't want the title because he knows his team didn't win it, and it would be silly to pretend otherwise. Few if any athletes/teams/coaches would be comfortable pretending they won something they didn't. It's hollow.

As for USC, the school should be punished and it has been - scholarships have been lost and the team is barred from postseason play for several years. That's appropriate. Reggie Bush, the source of this mess, has been punished, too, because he lost his Heisman Trophy. But what about the guys on the team who did nothing wrong? Why should they lose a championship that they rightfully earned? And former USC coach Pete Carroll didn't get punished because he ran off to the NFL. Not a lot the NCAA can do about that, but it shows that it can be hard to punish the real culprits sometimes.

USC was found to be guilty of many violations, but at the end of the day those things were off-the-field issues. Reggie Bush didn't cheat on the field as far as we know, and USC should be able to keep the title. Besides, no other team is going to claim it and no one except the NCAA is going to pretend USC didn't win it. This is a no-win situation, the NCAA should drop the issue with USC and stop stripping titles from teams for future violations.

Hire Coach's Plan for Safer Kickoffs

Schiano deserves some applause.

Rutgers football coach Greg Schiano has floated a proposal to make kickoffs safer by replacing them with special punting situations. This sounds like a good idea that should be hired.

Schiano, who knows a thing or two about the dangers of kickoffs since one of his players was paralyzed during one, suggested replacing every kickoff with a punting situation. Under Schaino's plan, if a team scores a TD, for example, it would immediately get the ball on its own 30 yard line for 4th down and 15. The team could choose to punt, which normally leads to fewer injuries than kickoffs, or it could go for it (essentially like an on-side kick).  
 
Not bad, right? With all the concern swirling around football regarding safety, the NCAA should give this plan a try for a few seasons to see if incidents of serious injuries are reduced. If it doesn't work, at least the NCAA can say it tried to make the game safer and no one can really argue with that. Hopefully the NCAA will ignore The Ohio State University for a few minutes and consider Schiano's modest proposal. 

Fire FIFA Again

Apparently Enrico Pallazzo wasn't available.

FIFA's newly reelected president, Sepp Blatter, has invited famed opera singer Placido Domingo to join an advisory committee that Blatter thinks will help prevent future corruption problems within soccer's top governing body (apparently Enrico Pallazzo was unavailable). It's good to see that Blatter is making at least a token attempt to clean up his mess, but... an opera singer? This is an idea that should be fired.

Domingo is still mulling the offer, saying: "Since 1970 -- with the exception of 1978 -- I have been at every World Cup final in every host country. In my amateur way, I am an expert in football. I am happy to have been asked to be involved with this great sport and have requested more details to see if I can be of help." For his part, Blatter said Domingo "will be part (of the committee)." Good to see there is solid communication between the two.

Blatter also invited Henry Kissinger to join the committee, which seems like an equally strange choice since Kissinger knows more about realpolitik than free kicks. He, too, has not committed to joining the committee, which Blatter said would be responsible for investigations and offering solutions to problems. The committee will not, however, have an independent chairman.

Given the potential makeup of this advisory committee and its lack of independence, Blatter is putting this together for show and nothing more. He knows FIFA has a perception problem and he's trying to change people's minds. This committee, however, clearly isn't the answer and it seems that FIFA has problems beyond under-the-table payments. Last week Iran's women's soccer team was disqualified from an Olympic qualifying match against Jordan because FIFA decided that Muslim women can't wear headscarves during games, as the Iranian team planned to do. Iran has said that its women's team will not be able to compete internationally as long as the ban is in place, so FIFA has effectively destroyed a team for no real reason. If FIFA really wants to expand its fan base into the Middle East as it claimed when it awarded Qatar the 2022 World Cup, this probably isn't the way to make Muslims feel welcome.

The bottom line is that just about every member of FIFA, especially Blatter, needs to be fired or soccer will continue to be rife with corruption and stupidity. 

Hire One Good Thing That Might Come From Dan Snyder's Lawsuit

Steve Cohen to the rescue?

Leave it to Congress to (maybe) come up with one bright spot in Dan Snyder's otherwise idiotic lawsuit against Dave McKenna and the Washington City Paper. Rep. Steve Cohen (D-Tenn.) said he plans to use Snyder's lawsuit as a catalyst to build support for legislation that would curb strategic lawsuits against public participation, (aka SLAPPs). This is a great idea that might save Snyder from himself in the future.

In a Roll Call opinion piece, Cohen said:

"The City Paper’s column was admittedly harsh but well within the bounds of free speech, especially about a public figure. Snyder was understandably angry, but instead of fighting speech with more speech, he chose to use the courts for his personal revenge. Whatever you may think of Snyder and the Redskins, the courts are not the appropriate forum for resolving these sorts of grudges.


Snyder’s own attorney seemed to acknowledge the true intention of his lawsuit in a letter to the hedge fund that owns the newspaper, the original object of his suit. He wrote: 'Mr. Snyder has more than sufficient means to protect his reputation and defend himself and his wife against your paper’s concerted attempt at character assassination. We presume defending such litigation would not be a rational strategy for an investment firm such as yours. Indeed, the cost of litigation would presumably quickly outstrip the value of the Washington City Paper.'


This is exactly what SLAPPs are all about. They are used to silence and harass critics by forcing them to spend countless time and resources defending against them. SLAPPs use the courts as a weapon to stifle participation in government and chill expression about matters of public interest."

Bravo, sir. Snyder's lawsuit is intended to harass and intimidate the media because poor little Danny got his feelings hurt. Since this is far from a congressional priority, it's unlikely that Cohen's legislation would take effect (or even pass) before Snyder's suit is resolved. At least someone with real authority sees through Snyder and doesn't like what he sees. Hopefully this legislative proposal will scare Snyder in the same way he is trying to scare reporters. Congress makes more than its share of mistakes, but at least sometimes it gets things right.

Friday Firings: Thrashers Tix, Ricky Rubio, Shaq Return

John Travolta may have been welcomed back in his 1970s television series, but the Atlanta Thrashers won't be welcomed back to the U.S. next season and Shaq shouldn't be welcomed back if he tries to un-retire. Then there's Ricky Rubio, who shouldn't be welcomed into the NBA at all. The HR Department, however, is more than happy to welcome the Thrashers, Shaq and Rubio to a firing.

The Thrashers weren't selling many seats before the move.

Fire Atlanta Thrashers Season Ticket Sales: Apparently the soon-to-be defunct Atlanta Thrashers think they can fool some of the people all of the time because the team is still accepting deposits for 2011-2012 season tickets. Several news outlets called the Thrashers' ticket office the day the team announced it would be moving to Canada and reported that representatives were more than happy to accept a ticket deposit for games in Atlanta. At least one representative said the deposit is refundable, but honestly, what's the point of this? Another representative said tickets will be sold for the Atlanta Thrashers up until the moment the moving vans come to clear out their offices. This is just a stupid waste of everyone's time and should stop right now. Give it up, Thrashers. 

Fire Ricky Rubio: Waiting for PG Ricky Rubio to join the Timberwolves has been a bit like waiting for Godot, but the Associated Press is reporting that Rubio will finally come to the NBA next season. That might seem like good news for the few remaining T-Wolves fans, but Rubio's stats suggest that he was vastly overrated when drafted in the first round in 2009. In Spain this season, Rubio is averaging 6.5 points and 3.5 assists per game... off the bench. The competition in Spain isn't even as good as what Rubio might have faced in the NCAA, so it's really hard to imagine him dominating in the NBA. By contrast, the last great player to come out of Spain, Pau Gasol, averaged 12.4 points and 5.8 rebounds in only 25 minutes per game in his final Spanish season. Even if players don't rack up big stats in Spain, Rubio seems to be performing on an average level at best. Minnesota really has nothing to lose by giving Rubio a shot, but nobody should confuse him with Chris Paul, and the hype surrounding Rubio should be fired.

Fire A Shaq Comeback: Shaq wisely retired this week after 19 mostly spectacular seasons, but there are already rumors that he could stage a comeback late next season. According to Yahoo! Sports, a former front-office executive, former coach and former teammate of Shaq's "privately agreed with the premise" that Shaq isn't through playing. Seriously? Shaq hasn't been able to stay healthy in years, and despite his desire to play a supporting role on a playoff team, he hasn't even been able to do that because he's been too banged up to do much during postseason runs in Cleveland in 2010 and Boston in 2011. Shaq hasn't helped a team to the finals since 2006 (when he won his final title, with Miami), so what's the point of bringing him in? Even if Shaq wants to return down the stretch next season, no team should sign him.

Fire A-Rod's Continued Contact With His Cousin

A-Rod is causing himself another headache.

It seems Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez is still in contact with his cousin whom he said supplied him with performance-enhancing drugs, a move that further taints his image and should be stopped.

According to the New York Daily News, A-Rod's cousin Yuri Sucart was seen at the Yankees team hotel in San Francisco this week and has been with the team regularly on the road since last year. This is the same cousin whom A-Rod said injected him with drugs while he played for the Rangers.

MLB seems relatively powerless to stop A-Rod from associating with his cousin except at team facilities. Rob Manfred, MLB's executive vice president of player relations, told ESPN.com that Sucart is banned from any "non-public" areas such as clubhouses, team buses, etc. The Yankees have agreed to the ban, but he can't be prevented from going into a hotel where the team is staying, Manfred said. MLB is, however, looking into the extent of Sucart's ongoing contact with A-Rod.

A-Rod seems to be the sort of guy who does whatever he wants until he's told to stop, like when he was asked to stop playing cards for money. Given his track record of making bad decisions, MLB needs to tell him firmly to cut ties with his cousin. A-Rod said he has been clean since 2003. Some people will never believe him no matter what he does, but his continued contact with his cousin doesn't exactly scream "I'm not cheating anymore!" If A-Rod wants us to believe him, he needs to dump Sucart.

Fire Dan Snyder's Subpoena

Redskins owner Dan Snyder is really bad at putting a good football team on the field and really good at drumming up bad publicity. He's at it again now that his attorneys have subpoenaed Washington Post blogger Dan Steinberg in the Dave McKenna-gate case, even though Steinberg seems to be nothing more than an observer in this ongoing train wreck.

Snyder's next subpoena could be sent to you.

According to the subpoena, Snyder's crack legal team wants more information on why Steinberg linked to McKenna's allegedly libelous story when reporting on Snyder's lawsuit back in February. According to the Washington City Paper, Steinberg and McKenna are "friendly rivals" who cover the same beat, and Steinberg has linked to some of McKenna's work in the past. Snyder's lawyers are specifically seeking: "All documents evidencing or relating to any communication between [Steinberg] and McKenna pertaining to Snyder... All documents evidencing or relating to any communication between [Steinberg] and McKenna pertaining to Snyder's wife... And all documents evidencing or relating to the reasons for the inclusion of links in [Steinberg's] Washington Post columns, blogs, or on Twitter to McKenna's City Paper articles."   

To an observer who assumes the worst about Snyder and has no legal background (like the HR Department), this move seems like a fishing expedition designed to further intimidate the media. Steinberg's relationship with McKenna hardly seems relevant to whether or not McKenna libeled Snyder, and Snyder's PR man Tony Wyllie has said that this lawsuit is, at least in part, intended to chill future criticism of the Redskins' commander-in-grief.

Snyder simply doesn't play nice, and each new development in his lawsuit is further evidence of that. No one denies that he has the right to sue McKenna, but his legal eagles need to stick to the relevant facts of the case and not start subpoenaing every reporter who ever wrote anything about McKenna's story. Perhaps this overreaching suggests that Snyder's team hasn't been able to come up with much of a case. Should Snyder lose he will have managed to embarrass himself yet again, which is quite the feat for a guy who once sued an elderly and unemployed Redskins season ticket holder who tried to end her 10-year ticket agreement after one year. But as long as Snyder continues to fall on his face, the HR Department will be here to fire him.