Fire Joe Namath's Assessment of Plaxico Burress

Broadway Joe is wrong.

Legendary Jets QB Joe Namath apparently doesn't think much of Jets WR Plaxico Burress, saying the newly freed receiver will be "damn lucky" to complete the season.

Namath also compared Burress to former Jets WR Braylon Edwards, which is never good. "When I see Burress, certainly in the past, and Edwards, their route running and adjusting, I didn't like it -- and I still don't," Namath told ESPNNewYork.com Tuesday. I'll be surprised if Burress and (QB Mark) Sanchez click well and I'll be even more surprised if Burress, after being laid off for two years and change, is going to make it through the season."

On paper, Namath is as wrong in his assessment of Burress as he was when he tried to kiss Suzy Kolber.

Burress is 34, and those 20 months in prison probably didn't help his game. He has, however, been very durable during his career. In the eight full seasons Burress played before he was suspended during the 2008 season, he never appeared in fewer than 11 games and he went the full 16 five times. Another season he played in 15.

From a statistical standpoint, Burress has also been a lot better than Edwards. He twice caught 10+ TDs in a season and had four 1,000+ receiving-yard campaigns. Except for his monster 2007 when he caught 16 TDs and had 1,289 yards, Edwards has never topped 7 TDs or 884 yards. 

It's possible that Burress will get hurt or won't click with his QB, but that's true of just about any WR. There isn't a long track record of players coming back from two years in prison at age 34, so it's hard to predict what will happen. Michael Vick may be the closest example for comparison purposes and it seems like he's done OK. Signing Burress was not a bad move, the Jets will not likely be sorry and Namath should take a wait-and-see approach with Burress. Plax is motivated and he could do very well.

Hire Declining Tebow Jersey Sales

Unless Tebow pads his sales, they will decline.

It seems Denver QB Tim Tebow's falling out with the Broncos has caused his jersey sales to take a hit. Either that, or all of his fans reached their Tebow jersey quota.

Regardless, Timmy's sales went from third overall in the NFL in 2010 to eighth overall for the April 1 to July 31 period. To give a sense of how inversely proportional Tebow's sales are to his accomplishments, he was the only player among the top-25 jerseys in '10 who has never made the playoffs and/or a Pro Bowl.

Tebow is basically the NFL's answer to Sarah Palin (or Michele Bachmann): a hugely polarizing figure who appeals to a very specific audience and is viewed as a hero despite having marginal talent and limited accomplishments.

Why is he so popular? He has done some admirable things off the field, but if you agree with his beliefs, then isn't someone like former 49ers RB Glen Coffee a lot more impressive? Coffee walked away from the NFL at age 23 to become a minister, which incidentally may end up being Tebow's only option when he washes out in the NFL.

Fans are obviously welcome to buy whichever NFL jerseys they want, but it's likely Tebow is the least talented and accomplished player to sell this much merchandise. Good for him for winning some popularity contests, but until he wins some games (he's 1-2 as a NFL starter) his jersey should be nowhere near the top sellers.

Fire the Flap Over Rescheduling a Yankees/Orioles Game

Buck doesn't hold back, even when wrong.

In most disputes, one side is right. Not so in the case of the Yankees' and Orioles' attempt to reschedule a game postponed by Hurricane Irene.

The game will be played September 8, one of two off days shared by both teams, but it took a lot of negotiating and even intervention by the MLB players union before a date was picked. Here's what happened, according to ESPN New York:

• The Yankees wanted to play the game during the Orioles' visit to the Bronx from Sept. 5-7, but MLB reportedly said no (annoying).
• The Yankees didn't want to play Sept. 15, an off day shared by both teams, because they will be on their way from Toronto to Seattle (totally reasonable).
• The Yankees really wanted to hold onto their Sept. 8 vacation day, but the players union eventually made it clear that the Yankees had to play that day or the 15th.

 The blame for this silliness could have rested entirely with the Yankees, except the Orioles decided to mouth off about it.

Orioles PR director Greg Bader said the Yankees shouldn't have put up a fight because Maryland was damaged by Irene. "We've just seen a hurricane come through this region which has caused millions to be without power, tens of millions of dollars in property damage and even several deaths. We've got people out there literally trying to put their lives back together and yet there are some still worrying about a rescheduled game time?" Bader is right that this issue should have been resolved quickly, but what does it have to do with the hurricane?

Then Orioles manager Buck Showalter chimed in because he can't pass on an opportunity to hate on the Yankees or Red Sox. The Orioles paid tribute to Mike Flanagan on Friday night, and Showalter decided that the negotiation for the makeup of Saturday's game somehow took away from the tribute. "I felt that some of the stuff was a little disrespectful to Flanny quite frankly. That didn't sit with me very well. I can tell you that." We fail to see how deciding when to make up the game is related in any way to a memorial for Flanagan.

The Yankees shouldn't have been so resistant to picking a date and the Orioles shouldn't have complained about irrelevant issues. The matter is settled, but both sides behaved badly and should be fired.

Friday Firings: NFL Playbooks on iPads, Hurricane Irene, 'White' Michael Vick

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Cool, but risky for playbooks.

Fire the Tampa Bay Bucs Using iPads for Playbooks: Sure, it seems like a cool idea for Tampa Bay to have its players download their playbooks to iPads. The problem is, aside from the usual dangers of players losing books or having them stolen, now the team is using a device that can be hacked. It's great that the team wants to be hip (and green!), but it's not worth the added danger.  

Fire Hurricane Irene for Cancelling Games: As a precaution, a variety of games scheduled to be played on the East Coast this weekend have been cancelled.Cancelling the games is probably for the best, but it sucks that millions of people could be trapped inside for two days with nothing to watch on TV, that is assuming they have power. Cancellations and postponements include: Mets/Braves, the New Haven (tennis) Open, a Major League soccer game and some PGA event, plus the Giants/Jets preseason football game has been bumped up by five hours.

Fire a "White" Michael Vick: The graphic accompanying this ESPN feature story is just creepy.

Hire Tim Hardaway's Change of Heart

Seems Hardaway saw the error of his ways.

In a development that seemed even less likely than Michele Bachmann becoming a serious presidential candidate, ex-NBA star Tim Hardaway has become an advocate for gay rights.

When former NBA player John Amaechi came out in 2007, Hardaway took a hard-line stance. "I hate gay people," he said at the time. "I don't like to be around gay people. I'm homophobic. I don't like it."

Despite the prevalence of homophobia in sports, Hardaway's words struck people for there pure, blunt hatred and he faced severe backlash in the media. In May, Hardaway said his comments "hurt (my reputation) tremendously. I'm still trying to rectify it. People ask me about it, and I tell them, 'That's in the past. I'm moving forward.'"

It seems he really has moved forward. Last week Hardaway spoke to a crowd in El Paso, Texas, where a group is trying to recall Mayor John Cook and two members of the city council for re-establishing domestic partner benefits for both gays and unmarried couples. "It's not right to not let the gays and lesbians have equal rights here," Hardaway said in his address.

Few saw this sort of turnaround coming, and even if this were purely a ploy to restore Hardaway's reputation, at the very least he is doing the right thing. But even Amaechi, while still skeptical, doesn't think Hardaway has changed his ways for purely selfish reasons. "I hope this is a story of true redemption rather than a savvy p.r. ploy. Either way, he is at least saying the right words, and that will make a positive difference," Amaechi told Sports Illustrated's Dave Zirin.  

With more and more athletes coming to the defense of gay marriage, perhaps society will eventually follow. It's going to take a long time, of course, but even if you don't agree with gay marriage, you have to agree that a decline in hate is a positive for society. Kudos to Hardaway for un-hardening his heart. 

Fire Cam Newton's Tattoo Ban

Good thing Newton didn't go to OSU.

When it comes to the potential face of his franchise, Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson has made it clear that he wants QB Cam Newton to remain clean cut and tattoo/piercing free. This isn't unreasonable on its face, but it's unfair because it's an uneven policy that should either apply to the entire team or no one.

Newton said he doesn't have any tattoos or piercings and Richardson can't actually do anything to Newton should that change. The problem is, Richardson has signed plenty of guys (like TE Jeremy Shockey) who have multiple body modifications.

There's nothing wrong with an employer dictating employee appearance, but the same standard should apply to everyone. George Steinbrenner did many stupid things when he owned the Yankees but requiring his players to be clean-cut wasn't one of them. Sure he compromised with certain players, like when he made former 1B Jason Giambi cover up his tats or when he made former P Randy Johnson get a slight haircut, but the standard applied to everyone. Richardson is not wrong to want Newton to convey a certain image, but he is wrong not to demand the same thing of his whole team.

Fire the 49ers' Excuse that A 16-Game Season Led to Fan Injuries

York's comments suggest he puts money before fans. (AP).

In the aftermath of several serious injuries to fans at the 49ers/Raiders preseason game last week, the president of the 49ers made an incredibly irresponsible statement when he blamed the violence on the league's 16-game schedule.

"I think when you have a preseason game, when you don't have your regular-season ticket holders coming to the game, I think that plays a big factor into [violence]," Jed York said. He went on to say that an 18-game schedule would eliminate some preseason games and possibly prevent such riff raff from attending games at NFL stadiums. He and Raiders CEO Amy Trask also denied that alcohol consumption is a problem before or during games (eye roll).

York and Trask's comments make the HR Department's job pretty easy, so there's no need to go on a rant here. The only thing we will say is that York deserves additional criticism for beating a dead horse. The players overwhelmingly rejected the idea of an 18-game schedule, and with the NFL's labor situation settled for the next decade, it seems moot to raise an argument in favor of more games. Especially an incredibly dumb one.

Fire the USOC

The United States Olympic Committee confirmed today that it won't bid on the 2020 Summer Olympics, raising serious questions about the competence of the committee.

According to an Associated Press report, the committee felt not enough time was left to get a bid together by the September 1 deadline and that no process was even in place to select a city.

The reason for the inaction is being blamed, in part, on the failure of the USOC and the International Olympic Committee to agree on revenue sharing. This is a real issue, plus it's no secret that factions in the IOC have anti-US bias. The problem from a perception standpoint is that the USOC has had a series of high-profile bid failures. New York once put together an impressive nine-year effort to get the 2012 games, only to fall well short at the end. Chicago also tried pretty hard for the 2016 event, even using President Barack Obama to make a personal plea. Chicago finished fourth in the selection voting.

The US hasn't hosted an Olympic event since 2002 (not a long drought), but the Salt Lake City games are now tainted by bribery scandals. The US has done poorly when playing by the rules recently, and the IOC hasn't been too receptive to those efforts. Nonetheless, it's unacceptable for the USOC to not even make a bid for the Olympics every time, so the group needs to get its act together, resolve the revenue issues and land the games again.

Friday Firings: Cubs and Orioles GM Scenarios, Terry Bradshaw

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

There is little joy in Cubville, even with Hendry's exit.

Fire the Cubs Waiting to Fire Jim Hendry: The Cubs finally broke up with Hendry after a 17-year relationship (nine as GM) and the only question is: What took so long? Sure, Hendry did well on paper with division titles in 2003, 2007 and 2008. But other than in 2003, the Cubs were swept out of the playoffs in the first round. Beyond that, Hendry is responsible for a string of disastrous signings including: Carlos Zambrano (re-signed for five years at $91.5 million, hasn't won more than 14 games in a season since and is a huge distraction), Carlos Pena (signed for one year at $10 million, batting .225), Alfonso Soriano (has three years left on an eight-year deal, hasn't hit more than 29 homers or batted above .280 since 2007). As a team, the Cubs haven't been better than .516 for a season since 2008.

Hendry is also responsible for the decision to hire one-time interim manager Mike Quade on a permanent basis over legendary Cub Ryne Sandberg, even though nobody knows who the hell Quade is, he had almost no experience and Sandberg spent four years managing in the Cubs minor league system. Sure, Quade was 24-13 after he replaced the fed-up Lou Piniella in 2010, but Sandberg deserved better and it would have made the fans happy to have him in charge. Sandberg got so disgusted with the franchise that he left for a job with the Phillies and probably won't be back.  

In a related story, actor Ed Norton recently celebrated a birthday and when asked what he wants, said on Twitter that Orioles great Cal Ripken should be the team's manager and GM (Norton is from Maryland). While the team could use a new GM, Buck Showalter is a good manager - he just doesn't have a lot to work with. Ripken has no experience in talent evaluation and even if he did, Norton's idea ignores that the real problem in Baltimore is owner Peter Angelos. Angelos is responsible for such brilliant signings as the over-the-hill haul in 2005, which included Sammy Sosa, Javy Lopez and Miguel Tejada (all age 30+). Sosa batted .221 with 14 homers then retired, and while Lopez was productive for two years and Tejada for four, the team didn't get above .500 in that period. In fact, the team hasn't been above .500 since 1997. Anytime a team is that bad for that long, the finger should point squarely at ownership. Norton's idea is a nice one and would be good for PR, but it's going to take a lot more than Cal to fix things in Baltimore.

Fire Terry Bradshaw's Knowledge of US States: In an exchange with Joe Buck during the Steelers/Eagles preseason game last night, it was apparent that Terry Bradshaw didn't realize Hawaii is a state. Nobody expects much from him upstairs, but even little kids know this stuff. The video here is spotty, so there's also a transcript.

Hire the NFL's Suspension of Terrelle Pryor

Pryor's punishment stands.

After a deliberation second in length only to the Casey Anthony trial, the NFL decided to allow ex-Ohio State QB Terelle Pryor to enter the supplemental draft. There is a catch - Pryor will have to sit out five games if he gets drafted, the length of his punishment handed down by the NCAA.

Pryor received a five-game suspension in 2010 for his role in selling championship rings, jerseys and awards, and receiving improper benefits from an Ohio tattoo parlor. The suspension was not to be enforced until 2011, but Pryor bolted for the NFL when the scandal forced coach Jim Tressel to resign.

The HR Department generally disagrees with most of the NCAA's anachronistic and hypocritical rules to preserve the facade of amateurism, so we're not applauding the NFL for upholding the specific statutes. What we do applaud, though, is the NFL not allowing Pryor to skirt his punishment (and get paid a lot of money in doing so). The NFL has successfully sent the message that players who misbehave can't always run away from their problems.


A larger issue here is: Why is the NFL worried about sucking up to the NCAA? The NFL already guarantees the NCAA's cash cow by not allowing anyone to play in the league until they've been out of high school for 3 years (or would have been had they graduated). That should be enough. The NFL and NCAA clearly need each other, but it's not like Pryor is shaking the foundation of the NCAA if he gets off without punishment. Maybe the NFL doesn't want college juniors who are NFL eligible ignoring rules (even more than they already do), and maybe the league figures helping the NCAA can only help the NFL. 

Fire Eli's Claim That He's In Tom Brady's Class

Eli is no Brady (UPI).

Giants QB Eli Manning said he's right there with Patriots QB Tom Brady. While we know athletes have to believe in themselves to succeed, this is just a silly claim.

I consider myself in that class," Manning said on Michael Kay's radio show. "Tom Brady is a great quarterback, he's a great player and what you've seen with him is he's gotten better every year. I think now he's grown up and gotten better every year and that's what I'm trying to do. I kind of hope these next seven years of my quarterback days are my best."

Hold on there, Elisha (Manning's full name). With three Super Bowl rings, Brady has the most of any active QB. Manning has one, which earns him a lot of credibility (then again, Trent Dilfer has a ring), but he's still not even close to Brady. First, Manning threw 25 INTs last year. Brady threw four. In his worst season, Brady threw 14 INTs. Manning has topped that number four times, including a dismal 23/20 TD/INT ratio in 2007.

As for Manning's claims that he improved every year, that's not true statistically. In 2007 and 2010 he had a lower passer rating than in the previous season, and his season TD totals ranged from 21-27 every year between 2005 and 2009 with some drops from year to year.

In terms of career stats, adjusted for the fact that Brady has played more years, Eli has thrown for 2,000 fewer yards and that doesn't take Brady's 2008 injury into account. Brady also has a 192-156 TD advantage on Eli, again adjusting for Brady's longer career but not for his lost season in 2008. Brady also lead the NFL in TDs three times and Manning has never done that.

When you factor in intangibles, like Brady being married to Gisele Bundchen and Eli married to, uh, Abby McGrew (his college girlfriend), there's just no contest here.

Fire Jim Thome As Another Steroid Era Casualty

Thome broke in just before steroid use exploded.

The steroid era claimed another casualty on August 15: Jim Thome.

Thome hit his 600th home run, which happened rather quietly for a milestone that used to guarantee not only hall of fame admission, but a place among the 4-5 best players ever. There was no "Thome watch," no "live look-ins" on ESPN every time he batted for a week. Some of that can be blamed on Thome's low-key personality and his team. Nobody likes Alex Rodriguez and he took steroids, but he still got regular media coverage during his chase for 600 because he plays for the Yankees (we'll fire ESPN's East-coast bias another day).

We all know the main reason Thome didn't get much fanfare and nobody is pretending otherwise. It's sad, and it's not right, because there have never been any real rumors about Thome and drug use. Even Jose Canseco never once mentioned him. But that's the fallout from the era - everyone is guilty, not even with the qualifier of "until proven innocent." Just plain guilty, with very few exceptions.

ESPN's Tim Kirkjian said that Thome will get into Cooperstown. Why should he? He's got at least Kirkjian's vote, but baseball writers have their own set of unresolved issues. First, they are notoriously fickle. How else to explain Bert Blyleven's admission after 13 years on the ballot despite having 300 wins? He must have had a great year on ESPN Classic in 2010.

Writers also see themselves as the gate keepers of baseball, which is totally ridiculous considering a violent racist (Ty Cobb) and an admitted cheat (Gaylord Perry) are enshrined in Cooperstown. So far, none of the major steroid era home run hitters are in the hall. Ken Griffey Jr. will be the first exception to that, and it's doubtful Thome will follow. He played through the entire steroid era, and even though his overall numbers are comparable to guys like Reggie Jackson and Mickey Mantle, even Kirkjian explains Thome's development from an opposite-field hitter to home-run hitter suspiciously. "When Thome arrived in the big leagues, he was an opposite-field hitter, he rarely hit a ball to the right of center field. But he got bigger and stronger as he aged, he learned to pull the ball, and soon was hitting homers deep into the right-field seats," Kirkjian wrote. Is that really an acceptable explanation to anyone today, even if it's completely true?

It's a shame that Thome is hurt by his era, because everyone speaks glowingly of him. But until baseball writers re-evaluate the hall of fame selection process, it seems Thome is destined to be lumped with McGwire, Sosa or Bonds, even if he is a good person who really didn't cheat. 

Friday Firings: Brad Childress, Giants PR Man, NFL Advertising

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Fire Brad Childress' Hindsight: The former Vikings coach ripped recently retired WR Randy Moss this week. "We had good guys, by and large, [but Moss] walked in the locker room and vomited on it," he told the league's website. Moss certainly didn't make things better in Minnesota, but the team was 1-2 when Moss came on board and 4-5 after he left. Sure, the 1-3 stretch with Moss was weak, but Moss was not the main reason the team imploded last year. Childress is using Moss as a scapegoat and he hasn't been rehired in the NFL for a reason.

Don't dis the Giants on Hanlon's watch!

Fire a NY Giants PR Guy's Brutal Honesty: Giants spokesman Pat Hanlon used Twitter to lash out at "knucklehead" fans earlier this week and he pulled no punches. Aside from the "knucklehead" comment, in response to a fan who called the Giants' offseason a "debacle," Hanlon said: "Thanks Lombardi. Cause I know you know." A lot of fans are idiots, but the best thing to do is just not respond. Apparently Hanlon is really bad at his job and normally it's not a great idea for a sports franchise to insult some of its fanbase.

Fire NFL Teams Selling Ad Space on Practice Jerseys: It seems that at least several teams, including the Giants, Seahawks and Packers have been putting small corporate ads on the shoulders of their practice jerseys. A quick Google search indicated that this is a new trend for 2011, though it's not for sure. Guess that lockout really hurt. What's most surprising is one team that isn't selling ad space.

Fire MLB's First-Half Surprise Teams

This play may have sunk the Pirates' ship.

It seems the heat is wilting more than grass this summer as the Pirates, Indians and Royals have all fallen (or are falling) out of contention after spending at least some portion of the season in first place.

First to fall was Kansas City. The Royals carry low expectations every year, so when they started off 10-4 people got pretty excited (it doesn't take much to get a Royals fan excited, but still). Within one month, though, the Royals were a .500 team and 4.5 games out of first.

Reason for their rise: they were just hot. OF Jeff Francoeur, a career .268 hitter, came out of the gate at .333 (on April 20) and had hit 9 home runs by the end of May. Team ace Jeff Francis had an ERA of 3.00 through four starts. 

Reason for their fall: they're not actually a good team. Francoeur is down to .273 and has 6 home runs since the end of May. Francis is now 4-12 with a 4.51 ERA, which is the best on a truly awful pitching staff. They're 27th in team ERA, 28th in quality starts, 27th in WHIP and 28th in batting average against.

The next to fall were the Pirates. Pittsburgh even had commissioner Bud Selig hopeful that a small market, low payroll, crap roster team could succeed. After climbing into first place on July 19 for the first time since Honus Wagner's era, Pittsburgh went into a brutal tail spin within days, losing 13 of 14 games and falling out of contention.

Reason for their rise: excellent pitching. Their team ERA is .370, which is exactly what you need when your team averages 3.84 runs per game and bats .244.

Reason for their fall: a blown call that cost them an extra-inning game against the Braves on July 26 seemed to mess with their mojo and kicked off the losing streak. During the streak, the previously excellent pitching imploded and yielded 10+ runs four times, seven runs three times and six runs once.

The last to go was Cleveland. Although the Indians are only two games out of first, they had been in first from April 8 until July 7.

Reason for their rise: luck. The team BABIP (batting average on balls in play) in April was .309 (an average major leaguer has a .302 BABIP). For those who aren't dorks, BABIP is considered the best quantifier of luck in baseball.

Reason for their fall: luck: The team BABIP in June was .280.

It's nice to think that baseball has competitive balance, but the season is truly a marathon and sadly these three couldn't finish the race. That's not to say that teams besides the Rays can't make the playoffs despite low payrolls, but the 2011 season will not see a team replicate Tampa Bay's success.

Fire the Redskins Winning the NFC East

Grossman is a wee bit too optimistic. (Getty)

Redskins starting QB (according to the depth chart, anyway) Rex Grossman said he expects his team will win its division. The main reason he's wrong is mostly because he's the starting QB.

"Nobody's talking about us," Grossman said. "That's right where we want to be. You look at us from top to bottom out here, there's a bunch of great players. And we don't need people saying we're the best right now, but when it's all said and done, I really feel like this team's gonna win the East."

There's a reason nobody is talking about the Redskins, at least not in a positive sense. Grossman has been to the Super Bowl once, but it wasn't exactly on the strength of his play. In 2006 he threw for 3,193 yards with 23 TDs and 20 INTs along with a 73.9 passer rating. He went 13-3 that season mostly on the strength of the Bears' defense, and he was so bad that he got benched the next year despite the Super Bowl appearance. He has not been a full-time starter since.

If the Redskins instead decide to go with John Beck, whom coach Mike Shanahan thinks the entire league has been wrong about for four years, they'll have a guy who is 30 years old and last started a game in 2007. He's 0-4 in his career with a passer rating of 62.0 and a TD/INT ratio of 1/3. 

Beyond the QB issues, the Redskins have upgraded significantly at many positions, but this team still ranked 18th in total offense and 31st in total defense last season. How much can they realistically improve in one year? The NFC East is also very strong. The Eagles went on a free-agent spree that turned out to be Christmas in July, the Cowboys will have Tony Romo back and the Giants have beaten the Redskins five straight times plus 8/9.

Good try on the spin, Rexy. I'm sure you made Dan Snyder proud, but nobody with any sense is buying this prediction.

UPDATE: Grossman was so convincing that some fans have posted a Craigslist ad seeking a new QB.

Fire the Dodgers' Playoff Hopes

Loney: cock-eyed optimist (Getty).

The Los Angeles Dodgers' recent, um, two-game losing streak apparently has the team looking to October.

"This is one of the best teams I've ever been on, as far as personalities, the work that we put in and being confident," 1B James Loney said. "I don't see any doubt in anybody here." That optimism seems to have infected manager Don Mattingly, too. "Realistically, we've got to go out now and win four out of five all the time. If we can do that over a period of time and creep a little bit, you never know."

The Dodgers are particularly optimistic because they are the only NL team to have a winning record against the presumptive favorite Phillies over the past five seasons (19-18). That's fine and well, but here's why the Dodgers won't make the playoffs:

• The Dodgers are 10 games behind the first-place Giants as of August 9 with the Rockies and Diamondbacks also in front of them. So far this season the Dodgers are 5-7 against the D'backs (including 2-4 in July), 4-5 against the Giants and 6-6 against the Rockies.  

• Only three teams have blown an August double-digit lead since 1900. 

• The team's longest winning streak this season is five games and it has had three losing streaks of five games.

• Forget the Wild Card. The Dodgers are 14 back in that race, with nine teams in front of them. It ain't happening.

It would be a great story if the Dodgers made the playoffs, and you can't blame the team for being positive, but this is just totally unrealistic.

Hire A Parent Trap to Catch Deadbeats With Football Tickets

This "winner" was all smiles, at first.

Law enforcement officials in Alabama are apparently quite clever. The Lee County Sheriff's Office recently caught a dozen people who allegedly failed to pay child support by "giving away" tickets to the 2011 Alabama-Auburn football game (aka Iron Bowl), then arresting those who came to collect their "prize."

Suspects were told via mail that they had won tickets and that they could claim their prize at a specific location. More than 140 letters were mailed out to suspects who owed at least $30,000 with some owing as much as $75,000.

The sting was as clever as it was cruel. "Winners" entered a room to cheers and celebratory music, received congratulations, were asked which team they root for and even did interviews with the press. Then they were promptly taken into custody and informed that they had been fooled. Once the arrest was made, the happy music was changed to something along the lines of Queen's Another One Bites the Dust. One suspect even asked if he could still get tickets to the game. The answer was "no."

In hindsight it's hard to believe this worked since it's one of the oldest tricks in the book, but you can fool some of the people all of the time.

Friday Firings: More Dan Snyder, High School Football Deaths, New Bowl Name

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Snyder radiates love.

Fire Dan Snyder's Defense of His Lawsuit (Again): Every time Redskins owner Dan Snyder or his legal team try to defend his libel lawsuit against Dave McKenna, it always makes the suit look increasingly mean spirited and absurd. Now, Snyder's suit is fighting for its life because DC passed anti-SLAPP (strategic lawsuit against public participation) legislation right before Snyder moved his complaint from New York to Washington. Snyder's team is trying to argue that the DC City Council doesn't have the right to make laws affecting the DC Superior Court because only Congress can do that. It's possible that the argument is valid, but it's still essentially an argument that DC doesn't have the right to govern itself. Snyder is an ass. 

Fire High School Football Deaths: This week, two more high school football players died, this time in Georgia. Unfortunately it's the same story every year and the majority of the deaths happen in the South. The first reason for that is obvious (heat/humidity) but the second reason, less so - the South is consistently home to the highest percentage of obese people in the country. Two-a-days with overweight kids in sweltering heat is just asking for trouble, and nobody is going to argue that football is worth dying for. So maybe it's time to do something about this problem? There are a ton of options - ban outdoor practices when the heat index reaches a certain level, build more indoor practice facilities, limit the length of practices, or just don't allow schools to practice at all before school starts in September. Literally any of those things would make a huge difference, and yet nobody seems to want to take the steps to save lives. High school football deaths are beyond irresponsible - they're criminal, and if legal action is needed to stop people from dying, so be it.

Fire the Newest College Football Bowl Game Name: This week, the Humanitarian Bowl in Boise, Idaho (with its storied tradition dating to 1997!) became the Famous Idaho Potato (no "e," Dan Quayle) Bowl. This is one of dozens of meaningless bowl games and it just went from one stupid name to another (albeit a geographically relevant one). Nobody cared about the game before and nobody will care now. College football has way too many bowl games, and these corporate sponsorships aren't helping the case for keeping them around.

Fire a Defiant A-Rod

A-Rod probably did enough to be suspended.(AP)

It seems Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez just won't learn, and for that he should be fired.

A-Rod is under investigation for his alleged participation in a underground poker game in Beverly Hills that featured cocaine, a fist fight and million dollar payouts. A-Rod allegedly played in at least two games but stepped away once violence broke out and reportedly lost only a few thousand dollars.

If this were the first we'd heard of A-Rod's links to gambling, it could be dismissed. But in 2005 A-Rod was caught in a similar circumstance and was warned by both the Yankees and commissioner Bud Selig to stay away from underground poker games. To make matters worse, this is the second time this year A-Rod has invited controversy into his life. In June it was revealed that A-Rod continues to associate regularly with his cousin, who once served as his steroid mule. The cousin has been banned from all aspects of organized baseball, but A-Rod has managed to find ways around that.

A-Rod's continued defiance of Bud Selig has reportedly angered the commish. He has extraordinary power to suspend players, but he has never made use of it for anyone besides on-field brawlers and drug cheats. It's time for Bud to assert his authority and show what happens to players who defy him.

Fire Sports Commissioners Forgoing Salary for Show

Goodell should receive a $3.7 million check shortly.

NBA commissioner David Stern won't get paid during the NBA lockout, meaning he will lose an undetermined portion of his ludicrously lucrative annual salary, estimated at $15-$23 million. Stern is seemingly doing the right thing, but there's a chance this is just for show.

NBA players have begun to grumble that Stern won't lose any money under a new collective bargaining agreement, so perhaps he's throwing them a bone here. Philly 76ers C Spencer Hawes recently asked via Twitter why there have been "no rumblings about a pay cut for [Stern] while he asks every single player to do so."

Stern has yet to agree to take a permanent pay cut, but he seems to be following the lead of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, who pledged to lower his salary to $1 for the duration of the NFL lockout. The thing is, it's now being reported that Goodell (estimated salary: $10 million per year) and player's union head DeMaurice Smith will collect all of the back pay they lost during the lockout.

We're not saying that those two didn't earn their money, but it makes Goodell's seeming sacrifice look a lot less sacrificial. Let's hope Stern doesn't do the same thing whenever the NBA lockout ends (sometime in 2013) and actually embraces the spirit of shared sacrifice during the work stoppage.

Fire Osi Umenyiora's Contract Gripe

Osi isn't seeing eye-to-eye with the Giants (Getty)

New York Giants star DE Osi Umenyiora is pretty unhappy that he has two years remaining on a four-year, $8 million dollar contract because he thinks he's worth much more. Every issue that Osi has raised is legitimate, the problem is that he's fundamentally challenging a system that can't be changed without creating chaos.

Osi is the latest in a line of players who recognize that they've outperformed their contracts. He said: "The fact is in the business we are in, if you get injured, or they feel like you underperformed, they cut you without hesitation. But if you clearly outplay your contract, and ask for something to be done, you're a bad guy and not a team player. It's ridiculous."

Absolutely true.

Osi also said: "How does a guy who had one good year (no disrespect to Charles Johnson) sign a deal and make more than both me and (Giants DE Justin) Tuck combined? It's not right. Just be fair."

Correct again. The Panthers just signed DE Charles Johnson to a $72 million deal, and he really only has had the one good year (his 11.5 sacks in 2010 were more than his total from 2007-2009). Beyond Johnson, guys like Julius Peppers and Albert Haynesworth recently signed deals in the $100 million range, and Umenyiora outplayed both of them last year. 

Even though Umenyiora is right about the one-sidedness of NFL contracts and the fact that his performance should put him among the game's highest-paid defensive linemen, he's still wrong to demand a new contract or trade. Because of the salary cap, bargain contracts are a necessity in the NFL. If every team had to pay fair market value every, single season for every, single player, teams wouldn't be able to afford anywhere near the level of talent they currently employ. Beyond that, it would be total chaos if teams had to re-negotiate contracts every year. The owners would also never allow re-negotiation only for players who improved, so players who underperformed would probably lose out the next year.

Umenyiora is being underpaid, and he says the Giants promised him in 2008 that they would give him more money in 2011 if his performance remained high. It has, and it sounds like the Giants lied. Osi is stuck, however, unless he wants to sit out the season or can find a trade. Sometimes life isn't fair, and right now it's not being fair to Umenyiora.

Fire Miguel Tejada's Defense of His Defense

Tejada's anger is misdirected (Getty).

During the trading deadline activity on July 31, the S.F. Giants picked up SS Orlando Cabrera from the Indians, presumably so that someone better than Miguel Tejada can play SS for the Giants. Tejada, who is on the DL, was predictably miffed about the situation, but his anger was not directed where you might expect. Tejada lashed out at the media, whom he says dissed his defense.

Tejada said: "All the reporters in San Francisco forget who I am. All the reporters put in the paper that I don't have range in this game. I'll prove it. I don't pay attention to what reporters say. All I do is work hard."

And just who is Tejada? Aside from a steroid user who lied to Congress, he's a former AL MVP and one-time excellent hitter - who was never much with the glove. He has a career fielding percentage of .971 and the league average at his position during his career has been .972. He is also around average by other, more advanced, metrics. His career range factor per game ((putouts + assists) / 9 innings) is 4.62 and the league average is 4.55. His range factor this year, however, is just 4.01 vs. the league average of 4.45.

Tejada probably feels threatened, and he should - Cabrera has three Gold Gloves (though none since 2007) and Tejada may find himself out of a job once he's healthy. But rather than lashing out at the media, maybe he should be pissed at his GM, Brian Sabean? Reports that Tejada doesn't have range anymore seem pretty accurate, and he's just another athlete who, at 37, can't admit that his career is winding down. If Tejada wants to keep complaining about news stories he doesn't pay attention to (ha), the HR Department will keep firing him.