Friday Firings: Kolb's Contract, No Palmer Trade, Pete Rose Bobblehead

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Kolb won't live up to his contract.

Fire Kevin Kolb's New Contract: The Cardinals picked up QB Kevin Kolb via trade this week from the Eagles. This was a good move. The Cardinals then offered Kolb a 5-year contract worth almost $64 million including $21 million guaranteed. This was not a good move. What the Cardinals need is simple: someone who can throw the ball in the vicinity of WR Larry Fitzgerald, which has been an issue since Kurt Warner retired. Kolb can probably do that, but he's just not worth anything close to what the Cardinals offered. He has three wins, four losses, 11 TD passes, a 109.6 passing yards per game average and a passer rating of 73.2 in his career. His numbers are comparable to epic disappointment JaMarcus Russell: seven wins, 18 TD passes, 131.7 yards per game and a 65.2 rating. Kolb is not Russell, but he's not Warner. Kolb was supposed to be the Eagles' starter in 2010 -- he went 2-3 with 7 TDs and was replaced by Michael Vick. Twice. Kolb will be better than anyone the Cardinals had under center last year (by default), but their offer suggests they think way too highly of him.

Fire Mike Brown's Refusal to Trade Carson Palmer: It's pretty clear that Bengals owner Mike Brown is going to call Carson Palmer's bluff and make the frustrated QB retire rather than trade him. Brown said this week: "Carson signed a contract, he made a commitment. He gave us his word. We relied on his word and his commitment. We expected him to perform here. If he is going to walk away from his commitment we aren’t going to reward him for doing it.” That would be a fair point if it weren't a load of hypocritical crap. Like all teams, the Bengals cut players. When a team cuts a player it's ending a contract (or commitment) prematurely, like when they cut WR Antonio Bryant last year before he even played a down with the team. That's business. That's reality. Mike Brown doesn't have any right to claim the high ground here. Palmer is frustrated (rightly) because the Bengals consistently show no commitment to winning or even getting better: After winning the AFC North in 2009, the team finished 4-12 in 2010. Brown is holding onto Palmer out of spite and against the team's best interest, showing once again why he is one of the worst executives in sports.

Fire the Baseball Hall of Fame Selling a Pete Rose Bobblehead: This is just silly but at least it's not a hot seller, having been marked down from $16.99 to $9.99.

Hire Bob Kraft: Lockout Ender

Did Kraft save the day?

The NFL lockout was bad publicity for both players and owners as a whole, but it seems one figure emerged from the debacle as something of a hero: Patriots owner Robert Kraft.

According to various reports, the league would not be in free agency overdrive at this very moment had it not been for Kraft. Colts C Jeff Saturday said: "Without [Kraft], this deal does not get done. ... He's a man who helped us save football." Players union head DeMaurice Smith was a bit less hyperbolic: "We couldn't have done this without you," he told Kraft.

Exactly what role Kraft played is speculative at this point (we may never know exactly how he helped), but he must have done something right if he's the only owner singled as helping the process along. We certainly know the likes of Dan Snyder, Al Davis and Mike Brown didn't get this deal done.

Perhaps Kraft was not so much instrumental in ironing out the details, but in realizing that lawyers were killing the process and dragging negotiations out indefinitely. At one point, he said: "We need to get the lawyers out of the way." He was right, and once that happened, progress happened. Hats off to Kraft for a job well done and giving us reason to spend entire Sundays on the couch this fall.

Fire Comparison Between Jackie Robinson and Bryce Harper

No other baseball experience compares with Robinson's (AP).

In a Sports Illustrated story due out this week, Nationals Director of Player Development Doug Harris said prized prospect Bryce Harper is subject to more media scrutiny than any player ever, except for maybe Jackie Robinson. Does this incredibly stupid comment need to be fired? I think you know the answer.

Harris said: “This is really unfair and it’s totally different, but if I can make a comparison to one guy that has been scrutinized like this, it would be Jackie Robinson. And it’s unfair because it was a different standard. He was under a microscope in an era when we didn’t have Internet, didn’t have cellphones. Now, Jackie Robinson had his life threatened. I’m not comparing Bryce to that. But as far as nonstop scrutiny? Absolutely. Day to day.”

At least Harris acknowledged that Harper isn't getting death threats, but even beyond that there is just no comparison. Robinson was so closely watched because the future of African Americans in baseball depended on everything he did. Millions wanted him to fail and millions wanted him to succeed. Everybody had a stake in his story. The only things that depend on Bryce Harper's success are the reputation of the Washington Nationals and the bank account of Scott Boras. To even suggest that Harper is going through something like what Robinson did is deeply insulting not only to Jackie, but all victims of hatred.

The other issue that Harris didn't address is why Harper is being scrutinized. It's because he asked for it. When you appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated as a 16-year-old, when you sign the biggest rookie contract ever, and when you do dumb stuff like blow kisses at a pitcher you just took deep, you're asking for attention.

So don't feel sorry for Harper, he'll be just fine. As for Harris, he needs to apologize for what he said. Until he does, he should be fired.

Fire A Family's Feud Over Sports Memorabilia

A Durham signed ball, worth about $10

An Illinois family is heading to court over a slimy series of incidents involving the signed baseballs a former White Sox board member left to his two sons.

The collection includes more than 200 balls signed by Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio and other greats, with a value in excess of $250,000. The trouble began when Ben Pogofsky noticed several balls were missing from the collection and had been replaced by relatively worthless balls, such as one signed by former Sox infielder Ray Durham. Turns out dozens of pricey balls had been swiped from Ben's Mother's house over several months by Brad Pogofsky, Ben's brother. Brad has since been charged with a felony and Ben got an order of protection prohibiting Brad from coming near him or his dog (we assume there was an incident with the dog).

This sounds a lot like another incident the HR Department recently discussed, involving Duke basketball season tickets, and it's no less disgusting. Maybe people are becoming greedier because of the economy, or maybe these people are just jerks. Probably some of both. Regardless, a judge should take away the tickets and the balls until these people can learn to play nicely.

Fire Michael Vick Stepping Into the Favre Comeback Fray

Hopefully these two will never meet on the field again.

Amid rumors that the Eagles are considering signing Brett Favre, Michael Vick tweeted that he "would be honored to have Brett Favre as a backup." The tweet was later deleted, but Vick should have stayed out of this mess.

The annual Favre comeback story is a two-headed monster partially fueled by the media desire for ratings, partially fueled by Favre's inner diva. To his credit, Favre has yet to comment on the rumor and has mostly stayed quiet this offseason, at least by his standard (though it's probably just a matter of time before he texts Chris Mortensen at midnight with an announcement).

So that leaves the media. As Vick should know, any little comment on Favre can turn into a firestorm of speculation.Vick already spawned stories on ESPN, Deadspin, SI, and, oh yeah, Sports HR. But it needs to stop now. Favre doesn't make sense in Philly - even though Vick's playing style means he can't go 16 games, does anyone really think Favre would be satisfied as a backup? He absolutely cannot be an effective starter anymore, but he probably does have enough left to play every once in a while. Still, when you bring in Brett Favre you have to deal with his injuries, deal with his drama and deal with the QB controversy he would most certainly create.

The Eagles showed they don't fear bad PR when they signed Vick, but why take the same risk twice? Vick happened to work out really well. Favre, on the other hand, most certainly wouldn't. Vick needs to realize that and ignore the rumors.

Friday Firings: Bengals Jump the Gun, Tiger Woods, Marion Jones

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Fire the Bengals Mistakenly Announcing the End of the NFL Lockout - In typical fashion, the Bengals managed to bungle a preseason move when they announced last night that the months-long NFL lockout was over... even though it's not. In a letter that basically begs people to buy season tickets, the Bengals said: "We are excited to let you know that the NFL has reached a new Collective Bargaining Agreement that allows the entire NFL season to be played this year." To make matters worse, the letter basically conceded that the team peaked in 2009. "Two years ago, our football team swept the AFC North—one of the toughest divisions in football—and many key components of that team remain, including defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer and a defense that ranked in the top half of the NFL for three straight seasons." Farther down, the team said that "95% of the Cincinnati population watched an NFL game during the 2009 season." The 2010 season (4-12 record) was not mentioned even once in the letter. Your 2011 Bengals, everyone!

Tiger and his caddie, in better times.

Fire Tiger Woods Firing His Caddie - Tiger fired his longtime caddie, Steve Williams, this week. The two had been friends for 12 years and Williams had no idea this was coming. Williams has been criticized for protecting Tiger from fans who were distracting his boss, sometimes grabbing their cameras away from them. But that's called loyalty, and with all the problems Tiger has had, Williams stood at his friend's side for the last two years. For his effort, he was repaid with a pink slip. Tiger Woods doesn't get it. The problem with his game isn't his caddie. The problems are that he's older, he's mentally unsteady and he's injured. Tiger wants desperately to get back to winning, but instead he made yet another move that will cast him in a negative light. Williams deserved better, but as we've learned, Tiger isn't very good at treating those close to him with respect. 

Fire Marion Jones, WNBA Player - Disgraced track star Marion Jones has been cut by the WNBA's Tulsa Shock (we're told that's a WNBA team, we don't actually know). This is a great move given that she was averaging less than one point per game on a 1-14 squad. Jones was a standout point guard at North Carolina in the 90s, but too much has happened to her since and everything she touches turns out badly for everyone involved. Nobody else should bother signing her.

Fire the Raiders and 49ers Sharing a Stadium

It's a bad idea to get involved with Al Davis.

Rumor has it that the Raiders and 49ers would like to build a new stadium somewhere in the Bay Area that they would share. In terms of saving money (potentially taxpayer money) this is a good idea but it would cause too many other problems and should be fired.

"We have said repeatedly that we have an open mind with respect to our stadium solution," Raiders chief executive Amy Trask said July 18. "We've put our teams together," said 49ers Chief Executive Jed York, also on July 18. "It doesn't mean we're going to find the right deal that fits for both teams, but we're certainly going to get a look at those options."

The biggest issue remains the exact location for the stadium, but there are other problems here. First, the field would be used every, single week and would frequently be in poor condition as a result. Second, the traffic would be an absolute mess every, single Sunday (neither team should play on Monday night) if one proposed spot, an island in the middle of the S.F. Bay, is selected. Third, neither team would ever really feel at home in a shared space (are they going to swap out each team's banners and signs each week?) and extra offices and practice facilities/locker rooms would probably have to be built to accommodate everyone.

Beyond those logistical problems, have two crappier teams ever shared a stadium? Neither team has had a winning record or made the playoffs since 2002 and between them they have three playoff appearances in the last decade. The only current stadium roommates who are close to the same level of awfullness are the Dolphins and Marlins. They have only three combined playoff appearances since 2001, but the Marlins won the 2003 World Series and were frequently competitive until recently. Not since the New York Yankees and New York (baseball) Giants shared the Polo Grounds in the early 1920s have two really good teams called the same building home (the two met in the World Series from 1921-1923).

Since it's so rare for two good teams to play in the same stadium, the Raiders and 49ers should avoid shacking up at all costs. Even though these teams need new stadiums, it would be a doomed relationship. Let's just fire this before it goes beyond the rumor stage.

Fire Teams/Coaches That 'Misinterpret' Rules

Rules are confusing, even for a smart guy.

The NCAA slapped LSU with a year of probation for its football program because of a major violation involving the recruitment of a junior college player as well as numerous minor infractions. When the football program attempted to explain itself, part of its excuse included a "misinterpretation" of the rules. Anybody who uses misinterpretation as an excuse for breaking rules should definitely be fired.

Rule misinterpretation seems to be a growing epidemic in sports, thanks mostly to Patriots coach Bill Belichick. During the fallout from Spygate in 2007, Belichick claimed he "misinterpreted' the rule about secretly taping opponents during games. Here's what the rule says:

"Any use by any club at any time, from the start to the finish of any game in which such club is a participant, of any communications or information-gathering equipment, other than Polaroid-type cameras or field telephones, shall be prohibited, including without limitation videotape machines, telephone tapping, or bugging devices, or any other form of electronic devices that might aid a team during the playing of a game."

That is pretty vague stuff. But then again, Belichick seems to have a hard time interpreting other things, like the rules of marriage (he allegedly cheated on his wife and divorced her in 2006).

Since 2007, several other coaches have "misinterpreted" rules:

• Ex-Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez, on numerous NCAA violations: "We're looking at it to see why we misinterpreted and why we made mistakes."
• New Jersey high school basketball coach Kevin Boyle on why he violated regulations that prohibit out-of-season workouts with a coach: “I misinterpreted the rule and didn’t check on it."
• Fullerton College men's tennis coach on why a Spanish player who had been a pro prior to his college career played for Fullerton: "I had no idea he made any money," Roger See said. "It's just a misinterpretation of the rules on the Spanish side and us not knowing what he had done on that side of the pond."

Most sports rules aren't very complicated, and since coaches aren't exactly Supreme Court justices, they aren't supposed to be interpreting what the rules mean or how they are applied. If a coach genuinely doesn't understand a rule, he should probably take the radical step of asking for clarification rather than just doing whatever he wants and dealing with the consequences later. For some reason nobody ever "misinterprets" a rule until they get caught breaking it, and nobody who is innocent has ever used the "misinterpretation" defense. So the defense (and those who use it) should be fired.

Fire Lawsuit Over Duke Basketball Tickets

Want to sit here? Prepare for a fight.

It seems the transfer of men's basketball season tickets from a deceased Dukie die hard to his family hasn't gone so smoothly, and now some family members are suing other relatives and the school. This is the sort of lawsuit only a lawyer would love and it should be fired.

John Dorton was a Duke grad and longtime major contributor to the athletic department. His tickets would normally be nontransferable upon his death, except he agreed to pay a whopping $50,000 fee plus an annual contribution of $6,000 (that in and of itself should be fired). One of Dorton's daughters (Katina, another Duke grad) is suing her sister and her sister's husband because she claims they transferred the tickets to themselves without anyone's consent. Katina says her father was ill and incapable of making sound decisions in the last two years of his life and that her sister's husband transferred the tickets to himself before he even married Katina's sister. Katina is also suing the school for allowing this unspeakable tragedy to go down the way it did. Duke had no comment.

To further confuse things, Dorton actually did agree to give the tickets to Katina's sister and her husband, but only after he died. Originally the couple tried to take possession of the tickets while Dorton was still living, which rightfully pissed him off. Katina claims that entire transaction didn't count because Dorton was already mentally diminished by that time.  

At this point hopefully you're thinking - 'wow, what a bunch of selfish, greedy a-holes.' Given their behavior it's hardly a shock that these people would turn to litigation, but rather than suing, can't they just find a way to share the tickets? A lot of people already hate Duke (might have something to do with this and all of this), so a lawsuit over tickets probably isn't exactly going to bolster their image. So hug it out, Dukies, or you're fired.

Friday Firings: Roger Clemens Trial

Clemens technically won, but he's still a loser.

If there is a record for quickest mistrial, the prosecution in the Roger Clemens perjury case has at least come close to it. After just two days in court, U.S. District Judge Reggie Walton declared a mistrial because prosecutors twice introduced evidence that Walton had declared inadmissible. This week in Friday firings we're singling out things/people from the trial that definitely need to be fired.

Fire the Prosecution - The trial turned into an even bigger waste of resources than anyone could have imagined thanks to bumbling prosecutors. Walton would not allow testimony from the wife of former Yankees P Andy Pettitte, but prosecutors showed a video from Clemens' disastrous 2008 congressional hearing that included Rep. Elijah Cummings, D-Md., discussing statements made by Mrs. Pettitte. The other mistake made by the prosecution came on the first day of the trial, when U.S. attorney Steven Durham said Pettitte and two of Clemens' other Yankee teammates, Chuck Knoblauch and Mike Stanton, had used human growth hormone. Walton wouldn't allow that, either, because of the possibility of guilt by association. Walton said these two mistakes could have been avoided by a "first-year law student." Everybody screws up sometimes, but it's just ridiculous to make two major mistakes in two days.

Fire the Entire Trial - The prosecution's errors may have been a blessing in disguise because this trial was a waste of time from the start. Whether or not Clemens took steroids and lied to Congress about it really isn't that important. Of course no one should lie under oath, but Clemens has been and will continue to be punished. Most of the public thinks Clemens is a liar and a cheater, he'll never get into the hall of fame, he won't get any endorsement deals and he's not going to be welcome in professional baseball regardless of the outcome of any court case. He's not dangerous (unless he has a broken bat in his hand and your name is Mike Piazza), so why put him in jail? Clemens is getting what he deserves and the judicial system doesn't need to pile anything else on to that.

Just like the Barry Bonds trial, which didn't turn out a lot better, this Clemens steroid inquiry is not worth the effort. Walton is holding a hearing on September 2 to determine if the trial will restart, but let's hope he benches this case for good.

Fire Yao Ming as a Hall of Famer

Van Gundy looking up to Yao.

Now that Yao Ming has officially announced his retirement from the NBA, one of his former coaches is saying that Yao belongs in the hall of fame. Yao was a great player whose career was unfortunately cut short because of injuries, but he is not an all-time great.

Former Rockets coach Jeff Van Gundy told the Houston Chronicle that "he’s a Hall of Famer. I don’t care if you put him in as player, as a contributor or put him in with his own heading. This guy definitely gets in for the greatness as a player when healthy or what he did as ambassador.”

If you had a hall of fame vote, would you select a true center who was a #1 draft pick, made four all-star teams in eight injury-plagued seasons, averaged 15.4 points and 8.8 rebounds per game? If you would, you just picked Ralph Sampson. Yao's numbers are almost identical: over parts of eight seasons he averaged 19.0 points and 9.2 rebounds per game, made eight all-star teams (but only played on six), was a true center and a #1 draft pick. But unlike Sampson, who reached the finals with Houston in 1986, Yao never got close to a title.  

Yao's career is almost identical to Ralph Sampson's, and almost nobody thinks Sampson belongs in the hall. Van Gundy could be right that Yao deserves recognition for promoting the game of basketball in China, but as a player Yao just doesn't have the numbers. He was great and a classic "what if?" because he was hurt so much, but the hall of fame doesn't judge players on what they might have accomplished. It judges them on what they did, and Yao just didn't do enough to get in. 

Fire the MLB All-Star Game

Guys like Mo don't prioritize the ASG. (Star-Leger)

The All-Star Game started out as a one-time exhibition in 1933 to generate interest in baseball during the Great Depression, but in 2011 it's little more than a reminder of how technology has changed the fan experience. No matter how many gimmicks Bud Selig attaches to the game, the bottom line is the fans don't care and the players don't care, so the event should be fired.

The game is supposed to be about giving fans what they want, and it fails to do so. Part of the problem is that thanks to television, radio and Internet packages, every fan can see every team every night if that's what they want. Nobody living in St. Louis needs to tune into the All-Star Game anymore so they can see Red Sox players because they can watch all 162 Sox games on live TV. The other issue is that the most popular players frequently don't end up appearing in the game. Jersey sales are a pretty good measure of player popularity and of the 20 top selling player jerseys in 2010, just six of those guys played in the game last night.

These factors have led to a drop in fan interest: in 2011 the game had a ratings share of 6.9, the lowest ever, and just 11 million viewers, the fewest ever. That's down from 12.1 million viewers in 2010, which had been the record low. The 2011 season premier of American Idol drew 26 million viewers, which was the least-watched premier since the show debuted in 2002. The MLB All-Star Game hasn't drawn that many viewers since 1988.

Even the players as a whole don't really care about the game. In 2003 Selig decided that the winner of the game would get home field advantage in the World Series in the hope that interest would tick up and also to prevent a repeat of the very unpopular tie game in 2002. Since every team needs at least one representative in the game, that means a large percentage of the players still don't care who wins because they know they're waiting until next year for the playoffs. Surprisingly, even teams that have a good shot at making the World Series don't care about the game, either. Five members of the Yankees who made the team this year bailed, because they pitched on Sunday or were "injured." Only 3B Alex Rodriguez, however, is seriously injured right now and only CC Sabathia pitched on Sunday.

If fans still want to choose a team each year, that's fine, but there is no need to play the game. A better use of the three-day stretch allotted for the game would be to give every player some time off.

Fire Kentucky Motor Speedway

Fans who didn't race to the track didn't get to see the show.

The chaos at Kentucky Motor Speedway for fans trying to attend the Quaker State 400 last weekend was about as bad as it could be without anybody dying. Reports are that some fans waited in traffic for more than six hours to see the track's inaugural race while others were sent packing upon arrival because no parking was available. This epic logistical mismanagement should most definitely be fired.

The biggest problem on race day was that there were only parking spaces for 33,000 vehicles even though 107,000 fans bought tickets for the event. “The on-site parking was filled, the off-site parking was filled – so the people coming off the interstate had nowhere to go,” said Nancy Wood, spokeswoman for the Kentucky Transportation Cabinet District 6 in Fort Mitchell. The result was that a line of cars 20 miles long formed during the worst of the jam.

Unfortunately the problems with the race weren't limited to traffic. The track has to be changed due to a safety issue of not having enough SAFER barriers. The inside walls in Turns 1 and 2 are a major concern and the track also is extremely rough and bumpy, according to an ESPN report. 

Before the race, the speedway said in a press release that: “Kentucky Speedway, Kentucky State Police, the Kentucky Transportation Cabinet and the Kentucky Tourism, Arts and Heritage Cabinet have collaborated on a comprehensive traffic and parking plan to accommodate more than 100,000 race fans." After the race, speedway general manager Mark Simendinger said: “We’re committed to working with NASCAR, state and local officials and traffic experts to address Saturday’s traffic issues to ensure that we never have this type of experience again.” Woops.

In the meantime, Kentucky Motor Speedway is giving fans who were unable to attend the race over the weekend admission to another race at the track this season. Apologies and free tickets aren't enough for some people, though, and now Kentucky lawmakers are looking to get involved. Kentucky Senate president David Williams said Kentucky Senate transportation chairman Ernie Harris has agreed to hold a hearing on the issue. As we know, fact-finding missions by lawmakers are always extremely productive and this hearing is likely to resolve the problem (that was absolutely sarcasm).

Despite all the mistakes, Kentucky Motor Speedway will host six more races this season, but it shouldn't be hosting anything for quite a while. Most people are forgiving of minor mistakes or growing pains, but 20 miles of traffic doesn't fit into that category. Forget the excuses, the hearings and the apologies - just shut down the track until the surface is fixed and the parking lot is expanded.

Hire Jeter Fan's Generosity

Lopez and his prize. (Reuters)

A fan who caught Derek Jeter's 3000th hit ball (a home run) chose to return the ball to the Yankee SS and asked for nothing in return. This selflessness should most definitely be hired.

Christian Lopez, 23, a cellphone salesman and Yankees fan from Highland Mills, NY, said: "Mr. Jeter deserved it. I'm not gonna take it away from him. Money's cool and all, but I'm 23 years old, I've got a lot of time to make that. It was never about the money, it was about the milestone."

Were Lopez a Red Sox fan he might have felt differently since he potentially walked away from a big payday. Milestone home run balls fetch the most, topping out with Mark McGwire's 1998 70th home run ball going for $3 million (we suspect the price has dropped a bit since). Other similar balls, like Hank Aaron's 755th, which sold for $650,000, have gone in the six-figure range. Three thousand-hit balls are a lot tougher to price, however, as few if any are on the secondary market. The only other player to get his 3000th with a home run was Wade Boggs, and he got that ball back, too. Even without a definite market value it's safe to say Lopez had a pretty high-priced item.

Lopez didn't exactly get screwed, though, since the Yankees rewarded his generosity with tickets to every home game for the rest of 2011, memorabilia and a clubhouse meeting with Mr. Jeter. One website estimated the value of Lopez's haul at $12,300.

It's refreshing to see someone behave like Lopez, especially when compared to the ugly saga involving Barry Bonds' 73rd home run ball in 2001. When the ball landed, there was a scuffle and two fans claimed ownership of it. The dispute eventually went to court and a judge ruled that the ball would be sold and the profit split among the two men. Sure, they got to share $450,000 two years later but neither deserved any money since they acted like jerks. With all the greed that's out there, hats off to Lopez for behaving like a mensch.

Friday Firings: Qatar World Cup, Rangers Stadium Safety, Confrontational Umpires

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Fire the Qatar World Cup Because it's Too Damn Hot There -In a rare story that only partially comes back to FIFA's corruption, soccer's governing body announced that games played in the 2022 World Cup could consist of 30-minute "thirds" instead of the usual 45-minute halves. The reason for changing the format, which has been in place since the 19th century, is because of the extreme heat in Qatar. Qatari organizers deny the possibility of the change, but it's safe to say they won't get their way unless they, you know, pay for it. Again. FIFA never should have selected Qatar for a World Cup, and this potential rule change is just the beginning of the mess there.

Fire Ineffective Safety Precautions at Rangers Games - A fan tragically died last night after he fell 20 feet at a Rangers game. He had been tossed a ball by OF Josh Hamilton, and after catching it fell over a railing onto the concrete below. His young son was with him and witnessed the incident. Three fans have now fallen over the railings at a Rangers game since 1994, though the other two did not die. After the first incident, the Rangers increased the height of the railing from 30.5 inches to 46 inches but clearly that hasn't done the job. No team can ever prevent all incidents, and even though a fan death is extremely rare, why haven't stadiums installed nets or even higher railing in more places? Whether or not the Rangers did all they could to protect fans is for someone else to decide, but clearly more precautions need to be taken.

Leyland says umpires need to simmer down.

Fire Confrontational Umpires - Tigers manager Jim Leyland said friction between teams and umpires is on the rise, and it's becoming a problem for baseball. Leyland said Joe Torre, baseball's executive VP of operations, is working on the issue. This tension has likely been exacerbated by the 73 types of instant replay now available as well as intense media and fan scrutiny of everything umpires do. At the same time, there are also umpires who seem to seek needless confrontation, like Angel Hernandez. Umpires should be stoic and Torre should watch game film to determine which umpires, if any, are exceptionally confrontational. Those that are should be disciplined and then fired if they don't improve.

UPDATE: SI's Tom Verducci reports that the umpire crew that includes Joe West and Angel Hernandez is responsible for much of the tension between teams and umpires and leads the league in ejections. 

Hire Heath Shuler as Tennessee AD

Shuler, failing in his first DC stint.

Rep. Heath Shuler (D-NC) is rumored to be interested in becoming the next athletic director at his alma matter, the University of Tennessee. Since the former Redskins draft bust hasn't done much better in his second stint in DC than he did in his first, he should take the job if it's offered.

Reports of Shuler's interest are still just that at this point, but his spokesman didn't deny that the congressman wants the job, saying only that Shuler is focused on getting reelected in November 2012. That might be tough. Shuler is in his third term and considered retiring last year, but he won reelection in a largely conservative district. Then, just like when he was a NFL QB, he couldn't win two in a row. He unsuccessfully challenged House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) for her leadership position, and when you challenge her she tends to freeze you out later. Shuler's blunder with Pelosi was especially costly since it coincided with the erosion of the Blue Dog Caucus, a group of moderate Democrats (of which Shuler is a member) that saw its ranks dwindle by 50% in 2010. As a result, Shuler has little hope of getting anything done even if the Democrats take the House back.

Looking to 2012, Shuler faces a Democratic primary challenge from a local city councilman who is considered a serious candidate. Shuler may also be hurt by redistricting, since Republicans control his home state and could redraw the voting map to further erode Shuler's base.

It also happens that Congress would be better off without Shuler, who reportedly had periphery involvement in a major scandal and is not terribly active legislatively. Shuler introduced nine bills so far in 2011, which ranks him 272 out of 440 House members in terms of quantity, and none of those have become law. He's also not very useful to his party, voting with Democrats just 67% of the time.

As for the scandal, Shuler reportedly rented a room in the "C Street House," a large residence reportedly owned by a shadowy Christian group called "The Foundation" or "The Family," which hosts the National Prayer Breakfast annually and engages in regular lobbying activity. Several other members of Congress lived there, including ex-Sen. John Ensign, who had an affair with a staffer's wife in the house. All members living in the residence supposedly received a discounted rental rate (violation of Congressional ethics rules), and no member of Congress should be living with lobbyists (just plain inappropriate).

Shuler hasn't done a lot better in DC as a lawmaker than he did as a QB (he was 4-9 in three seasons), so given his potentially difficult reelection situation he should most definitely say "yes" if Tennessee comes calling on him.

Fire Jose Canseco as Minor League Player/Manager

Jose is over-matched in Yuma.

The HR Department fired Jose Canseco in April when it was announced that he would be player/manager of the Yuma Scorpions, an independent minor league baseball team in Arizona. Since the season was more than one month away at that point, it could be said that the HR Department rushed to judgment so we decided to check up on Canseco and see how things are going. Turns out our prejudice was justified and Canseco should still be fired.

As the North American Baseball League nears its halfway point the Scorpions are 11-25, which puts them dead last in an 11-team league. The 46-year-old Canseco is clearly over-matched as a manager. He's also been flailing at the plate and, oddly enough, on the mound. Canseco's team is batting .298 as of July 6, but Canseco is hitting just .250 (third worst on the team among players with 40+ at-bats) with two home runs. Of his 19 hits, only four are for extra bases. About the only positive thing he has going is a 1:1 strikeout to walk ratio. Yet, Canseco remains delusional about his abilities. He recently told ESPN that he might be able to play productively in the majors as a DH right now. Sure, the Nationals are willing to let 43-year-old Matt Stairs pinch hit despite his .148 average, but Stairs didn't take a 10-year hiatus from MLB (Canseco last played in 2001) and he didn't get himself blacklisted by accusing half the league of taking steroids. 

For unknown reasons, Canseco has allowed himself to pitch 7.2 innings. He's 0-1 with a 12.91 ERA (worst among pitchers currently on his roster) and a WHIP of 2.74, though he has somehow managed to get four Ks. Jose also brought in his brother Ozzie to serve as bench coach/player, and Ozzie hasn't done much better than his big bro. He's batting .258 with no homers, one walk and 10 strikeouts in 12 games.

There's no way Jose should be player/manager of anything at this point, and unless the Scorpions management is enjoying the publicity he brings (like this blog post!), Canseco should be let go.

Fire Big Bonuses For Some Teenage Baseball Players

It'll be tough for Mazara to justify his bonus.

While many of us were out enjoying a long weekend, the Texas Rangers were out blowing record-setting money on a 16-year-old Dominican ballplayer. "Unproven" would be a generous description for OF Nomar Mazara, and his $5 million signing bonus, which is the highest ever for a foreign prospect, should definitely be fired.

Mazara is a 6-5, 185 lb lefty who reportedly has Mickey Mantle power. Unfortunately he also has Mickey Mantle's strikeout propensity. Baseball America said: "He may have the most raw power in Latin America, with batting practice shots that leave scouts in awe, [but] the only thing that can match Mazara's epic power [is] his equally epic ability to rack up strikeouts." Mazara hasn't played in any of the top Dominican leagues nor have scouts seen much from him in workouts beyond batting practice.

Of course all young players are risks, but the last Latin player to sign a big bonus hasn't done too well so far. In 2008 Oakland signed pitcher Michael Yona to a deal that included a then-record $4.25 million bonus. He's 6-7 and only 19 years old, but he was 0-1 with a 5.00 ERA in three rookie ball starts in 2009 before he went down with an injury that required Tommy John surgery. He hasn't pitched since but is expected back this summer.

Mazara sounds a lot like another recent hot prospect who got a lot less money and has produced inconsistent results. In 2007, 6-5, 240 lb lefty OF Jason Heyward was projected as the next Hank Aaron and he signed a reported $1.7 million bonus. In 1.5 seasons with Atlanta, the 21-year-old Heyward is batting .263 with 26 total home runs. At one point this season he went two months without a homer. He's battled some injuries and he made the 2010 All-Star team, but the comparisons with Aaron have stopped for the time being.

More "can't miss" prospects miss in baseball than any other sport, and even though Latin America produces tons of extremely talented players, it's pretty hard to call a 16-year-old who has shown little beyond impressive BP home runs a sure thing. Foreign players are notoriously difficult to evaluate (how's Dice-K working out, Boston?), and based on history the Rangers will regret paying Mazara so much. Texas is right that successful teams should have a strong presence in Latin America but nobody should be giving a 16-year-old that kind of money. This could start all sorts of absurd bidding wars in the future, so this ridiculous overpayment should be fired now.

Friday Firings: Roger Clemens, Bobe Hope Classic, Oden Contract Offer

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Clemens should reconsider his strategy.

Fire Roger Clemens' Strategy to Discredit Brian McNamee - Clemens' legal team is trying to convince the judge in Clemens' upcoming criminal trial to allow evidence that McNamee lied to police about allegedly raping a woman while he was employed by the Yankees in 2001. The strategy is obvious - portray McNamee as a liar to convince people he also lied about Clemens' alleged steroid use and to show his motive for cooperating with the feds. What the Rocket doesn't seem to realize, however, is that the worse McNamee looks, the worse he looks, too. If Clemens was regularly training with a guy who definitely dealt drugs and allegedly raped a woman, what does that say about Clemens' judgment? Even if Clemens didn't juice (ha), he's at least guilty of picking a lousy associate. The worse McNamee looks, the more doubt it casts on Clemens.

Fire the Bob Hope Classic's New Name - The Bob Hope Classic golf tournament has been around since 1960, but the tournament's leadership decided to rename it the Humana Challenge in 2012 because of the "reality of today's economy." Sure, Bob Hope isn't so relevant culturally anymore, but he also hasn't been dead that long (since 2003). Now another classic sports property falls victim to the corporate name virus, joining the FedEx Orange Bowl, the Chicago Bears presented by Bank One and the Go Daddy Super Bowl (made the last one up). This is a trend that nobody likes except for the people cashing the checks. It's not going away, but it should.

Fire the Blazers Offering Greg Oden $8.8 Million - The Trail Blazers offered oft-injured former #1 pick Greg Oden an $8.8 million qualifying offer for one season. This allows the Blazers to match any other team's offer or if another isn't made, for Oden to become a restricted free agent in 2012-2013. It's nice that Portland wants to stick by Oden, but if teams are complaining about how much money they lose, maybe it doesn't make a lot of sense to offer that much for a guy who is talented but only played 82 games in parts of two seasons and has had a broken knee cap and two microfracture surgeries. The demand for Oden can't be all that high (especially with the impending lengthy work stoppage), so Portland could easily have saved some money here. Bad move.