Friday Firings: Bengals Jump the Gun, Tiger Woods, Marion Jones

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Fire the Bengals Mistakenly Announcing the End of the NFL Lockout - In typical fashion, the Bengals managed to bungle a preseason move when they announced last night that the months-long NFL lockout was over... even though it's not. In a letter that basically begs people to buy season tickets, the Bengals said: "We are excited to let you know that the NFL has reached a new Collective Bargaining Agreement that allows the entire NFL season to be played this year." To make matters worse, the letter basically conceded that the team peaked in 2009. "Two years ago, our football team swept the AFC North—one of the toughest divisions in football—and many key components of that team remain, including defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer and a defense that ranked in the top half of the NFL for three straight seasons." Farther down, the team said that "95% of the Cincinnati population watched an NFL game during the 2009 season." The 2010 season (4-12 record) was not mentioned even once in the letter. Your 2011 Bengals, everyone!

Tiger and his caddie, in better times.

Fire Tiger Woods Firing His Caddie - Tiger fired his longtime caddie, Steve Williams, this week. The two had been friends for 12 years and Williams had no idea this was coming. Williams has been criticized for protecting Tiger from fans who were distracting his boss, sometimes grabbing their cameras away from them. But that's called loyalty, and with all the problems Tiger has had, Williams stood at his friend's side for the last two years. For his effort, he was repaid with a pink slip. Tiger Woods doesn't get it. The problem with his game isn't his caddie. The problems are that he's older, he's mentally unsteady and he's injured. Tiger wants desperately to get back to winning, but instead he made yet another move that will cast him in a negative light. Williams deserved better, but as we've learned, Tiger isn't very good at treating those close to him with respect. 

Fire Marion Jones, WNBA Player - Disgraced track star Marion Jones has been cut by the WNBA's Tulsa Shock (we're told that's a WNBA team, we don't actually know). This is a great move given that she was averaging less than one point per game on a 1-14 squad. Jones was a standout point guard at North Carolina in the 90s, but too much has happened to her since and everything she touches turns out badly for everyone involved. Nobody else should bother signing her.