Fire ESPN's Treatment of Hank Williams Jr.

ESPN took Williams Jr.'s words too literally.

ESPN and Hank Williams Jr. have parted ways, ending the latter's 20-year-run as the theme-song voice of Monday Night Football. ESPN pulled the plug on Williams' song "All my Rowdy Friends" after Williams made some comments that ESPN decided were controversial. ESPN is flat wrong in this decision, so we're firing ESPN's firing of Williams.

During an October 3 interview on Fox News, Williams compared House Speaker John Boehner (R) and President Barack Obama (D) meeting on a golf course to Hitler going 18 holes with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

ESPN took immediate action, pulling "All My Rowdy Friends" from the MNF broadcast that night, then announced on October 6 that it would no longer be using the song. Williams has since apologized for the analogy but said he, in fact, chose to end his relationship with ESPN and MNF, not the other way around. 

ESPN overreacted here. Sure, Williams' analogy was clumsy and dumb, but he also didn't say Obama literally = Hitler. If he had, ESPN would have been right to axe the song. Williams Jr. was simply trying to say that Boehner and Obama are diametric opposites, and as is, ESPN looks a bunch of hypersensitive sqaushers of free speech.

There's no question that people throw Hitler's name around way, way too much when discussing politics in modern America, but this instance is one of very few when mentioning him wasn't a big deal. ESPN can't repair its relationship with Williams, but let's hope they don't behave so reactively the next time someone they pay says something dumb.

Fire the Idea that the Braves and Red Sox Choked

When two teams blow huge leads in September and end up missing the playoffs, the first thing that comes to mind for most people is "they choked." The problem with that conclusion is it's lazy and ignores facts, especially in the case of the Braves and Red Sox. Here's why those teams definitely did collapse but didn't really choke in September.

Sure their collapse was epic, but was it a choke?

Braves: Atlanta led by 8.5 games over St. Louis in the wild card standings on September 5, then proceeded to lose 13 of their final 18 games, including their last five. That is an epic collapse, but too few people are asking why it happened. There are three reasons, and they're all related: weak offense, injured starting pitchers and an overworked bullpen. The weak offense was a season-long problem that the Braves covered up with great pitching for five months. The Braves finished the season with a .243 team batting average (13th in the NL) and .308 on-base percentage (14th in the NL). They also finished 15th in the NL in doubles, 16th in the NL in triples and 14th in the NL in stolen bases. As a team, they averaged 3.96 runs per game, which put heavy strain on a pitching staff with an ERA of 3.49 (4th in the NL).

Atlanta's pitching was good enough to keep the wins rolling in for five months, until Tommy Hanson and Jair Jurrjens got hurt and missed the entire month of September. No team has enough depth to keep winning without two of its four best starters, and Atlanta's weak offense couldn't support substitute pitchers like Mike Minor (4.14 ERA).

When Hanson and Jurrjens went down, it put added strain on a bullpen that had been spectacular, but was at the point of being overworked even as September approached. Closer Craig Kimbrel appeared in 79 games in 2011, setup man Jonny Venters pitched in 85 games and 7th inning specialist Eric O'Flaherty made 78 appearances. By comparison, Yankees closer Mariano Rivera made just 64 appearances in 2011. The Braves 'pen was tired, and part of the blame for that lies with manager Freddy Gonzalez. He is an extremely conservative manager, who uses his players as the situation calls for on paper. That means he often doesn't take into account that a guy might be tired. His approach helped cost the Braves a playoff spot.    

Red Sox: Boston had similar problems to Atlanta, suffering from injuries to key players at the worst time. The Red Sox had a powerful offense in 2011, but Kevin Youkilis missed most of September with several injuries and finished the season on the 60-day DL. The pitching staff had injuries, too. Josh Beckett sprained his ankle on September 5 and didn't pitch again for 11 days. Erik Bedard had a sore knee and didn't pitch between September 4 and September 20. John Lackey bruised his calf on September 9, but didn't miss any starts. Just like the Braves, the Red Sox simply couldn't compensate for all their injuries.

You can call the HR Department a Braves/Red Sox apologist if you want, but how many people really took the time to examine why the two teams fell apart? It wasn't just abstract things like nerves or cockiness; instead, there are specific reasons why Boston and Atlanta are sitting at home tonight. If more people had looked beyond the sheer shock of the collapses, they would have seen that. Hopefully now you do.

Fire MLB Denying Part of the Mets' 9/11 Tribute

Bud boggled another PR move. (Getty)

MLB Commissioner Bud Selig is still really bad at PR. Maybe he should hire Dan Snyder's whiz, Tony Wyllie, after it was revealed that the Mets were prevented from wearing NYPD, NYFD and PAPD caps as part of a 9/11 tribute.

Instead, MLB literally grabbed the caps from the Mets' dugout and replaced them with American flag hats that just happen to be on sale at MLB.com for $36.99. What an amazing coincidence!

This move by MLB is really indefensible and Selig should be ashamed. Hopefully no one will buy those hats out of protest, and fortunately the Mets still had a very nice tribute on Sunday. On some level this ugly greed shows that the American spirit is alive and well and that the terrorists didn't win. Nonetheless, Selig and MLB should most definitely be fired over this classless move.

UPDATE: Bud keeps digging himself in deeper. He's upset the Mets made this cap flap public, which even for him is a new low.

Hire the End of Dan Snyder's Lawsuit

Over the weekend, Redskins owner Dan Snyder's cronies announced that Snyder dropped his defamation lawsuit against the Washington City Paper and writer Dave McKenna.

From Snyder's PR whiz kid, Tony Wyllie: “The lawsuit was pursued as a means to correct the public record following several critical factual misstatements in the Washington City Paper article. In the course of the defendants’ recently filed pleadings and statements in this matter, the Washington City Paper and its writer have admitted that certain assertions contained in the article that are the subject of the lawsuit were, in fact, unintended by the defendants to be read literally as true. Therefore, we see nothing further to be gained at this time through continuing the lawsuit."

So Snyder kind of got what he wanted, which is the only negative here. It's worth noting that days before the suit was dropped, Snyder admitted he hadn't actually read the article that offended him so deeply. Everything about this lawsuit was stupid, and while it's a shame McKenna's camp had to admit some wrongdoing, at least this farce is over.

Fire Vancouver for Blaming Riots on the NHL

The NHL is not responsible for this.

Governments are really good at many silly things, and in the case of the city of Vancouver, its government is really good at compiling a report on a tragedy, blaming someone else and moving on.

That's exactly what happened when the city released a report that blamed the NHL for the June 15 Stanley Cup riot that led to hundreds of arrests and millions in property damage. In the report, the city said: "In spite of four Stanley Cup riots in the last five years, [the NHL] has no approach, no policy and no apparent strategy to work with host franchises and municipalities on this issue." It is also “unfortunate and regrettable” that the league has no detailed programs to help cities “with the kind of challenge [Vancouver] faced that night.”

The NHL denied the accusation. “[The league] already has successful programs that ensure responsible fan behaviour in all our game venues,” spokesman Frank Brown said in a statement.

It's pretty appalling that Vancouver is blaming the NHL for the way its own citizens behaved during the riot. If Vancouver feels it can't handle having a NHL team, maybe it should ask the league to relocate it. Otherwise, the city needs to police itself. 

Fire Tiki Barber's 'Flabbergasted' Agent

Tiki was not in demand (Daniel Shapiro).

Who wouldn't want a 36-year-old RB who hasn't played since 2006, whose team won a Super Bowl the year after he left and who only wants to play because he's (probably) desperate for money? No one? Well tell that to Tiki Barber's agent, Mark Lepselter.

Lepselter told SI.com: "We are flabbergasted that Tiki has not had an opportunity with any team, especially when rosters were at 90 players this year."

Barber had a tryout with the Dolphins, but it didn't lead anywhere and his phone has yet to ring otherwise.

Tiki may be the Giants' career rushing leader, but when they won the Super Bowl in his absence after the 2007 season, that was pretty damning. Barber's desire is also pretty questionable since he walked away from the game near his prime to pursue broadcasting, and is now suddenly interested in football again because, he said, he's depressed. What he didn't say is that he lost his job with NBC thanks to a morality clause in his contract and his wife divorced him because he cheated on her with a NBC intern. Safe to say that the real reason he wants back in the League is money, not love of the game.

Barber has been gone from the game too long, and RBs take such a beating, it seems impossible that he could come back and be effective at 36. The other thing that worked against Barber this year was the short preparation period after the lockout ended. Many teams stuck with players who already knew their system, which put Barber at a big disadvantage. Lepselter probably did his best to find his client a job, but if he's genuinely surprised nobody wanted Tiki, then he doesn't know football very well.

Friday Firings: Jamie Moyer, Redskins Selling McNabb Gear

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Fire a Jamie Moyer Comeback: Former Phillies P Jamie Moyer is attempting to rehab his arm following Tommy John surgery at the Phillies' facility in Florida. At this time, the team is allowing Moyer use of its facilities and staff, but is not expecting to sign him. Moyer went 9-9 with a 4.84 ERA in 2010 before the surgery, which is damn impressive at age 48. But he's just too old for the majors and nobody should take him seriously at this point. If nobody really wants a guy like Pedro Martinez, who is 39, why mess with Moyer?

Fire the Redskins Selling McNabb Souvenirs: It seems there is nothing the Redskins (and owner Dan Snyder) won't do to make a buck. The team is selling jerseys of ex-QB Donovan McNabb for $9.95 and is using McNabb souvenir soda cups at concession stands, which are available for $6. The team and its fans don't want to see McNabb anymore, and the Redskins should just donate this leftover merchandise to charity.

Fire the Jaguars

Hard to tell the different between game days and off days in Jacksonville.

The Jacksonville Jaguars have two problems right now: 0 preseason sacks and very little fan interest.

Investing $112 million ($40 million guaranteed) in LBs and D linemen in the offseason hasn't paid off so far, and even though the preseason means little, it's not a good sign. The team also finished last in sacks in the 2009 regular season and 30th in yards allowed last season en route to giving up a franchise record 419 points.

It's little wonder, then, that nobody really wants to pay to see the team. As of August 30, the team was in danger of several local blackouts, including the opener on September 11 for which nearly 11,000 tickets remain. October games against the Saints, Ravens and Bengals are also anywhere from 8,000-13,000 shy of selling out.

With all the talk of the NFL moving an existing team to Los Angeles, the Jaguars should be that team. Sure the Vikings or Chargers would make sense, but no franchise is in greater need of a fresh start than Jacksonville, which hasn't had a winning record or made the playoffs since 2007.

Fire Joe Namath's Assessment of Plaxico Burress

Broadway Joe is wrong.

Legendary Jets QB Joe Namath apparently doesn't think much of Jets WR Plaxico Burress, saying the newly freed receiver will be "damn lucky" to complete the season.

Namath also compared Burress to former Jets WR Braylon Edwards, which is never good. "When I see Burress, certainly in the past, and Edwards, their route running and adjusting, I didn't like it -- and I still don't," Namath told ESPNNewYork.com Tuesday. I'll be surprised if Burress and (QB Mark) Sanchez click well and I'll be even more surprised if Burress, after being laid off for two years and change, is going to make it through the season."

On paper, Namath is as wrong in his assessment of Burress as he was when he tried to kiss Suzy Kolber.

Burress is 34, and those 20 months in prison probably didn't help his game. He has, however, been very durable during his career. In the eight full seasons Burress played before he was suspended during the 2008 season, he never appeared in fewer than 11 games and he went the full 16 five times. Another season he played in 15.

From a statistical standpoint, Burress has also been a lot better than Edwards. He twice caught 10+ TDs in a season and had four 1,000+ receiving-yard campaigns. Except for his monster 2007 when he caught 16 TDs and had 1,289 yards, Edwards has never topped 7 TDs or 884 yards. 

It's possible that Burress will get hurt or won't click with his QB, but that's true of just about any WR. There isn't a long track record of players coming back from two years in prison at age 34, so it's hard to predict what will happen. Michael Vick may be the closest example for comparison purposes and it seems like he's done OK. Signing Burress was not a bad move, the Jets will not likely be sorry and Namath should take a wait-and-see approach with Burress. Plax is motivated and he could do very well.

Hire Declining Tebow Jersey Sales

Unless Tebow pads his sales, they will decline.

It seems Denver QB Tim Tebow's falling out with the Broncos has caused his jersey sales to take a hit. Either that, or all of his fans reached their Tebow jersey quota.

Regardless, Timmy's sales went from third overall in the NFL in 2010 to eighth overall for the April 1 to July 31 period. To give a sense of how inversely proportional Tebow's sales are to his accomplishments, he was the only player among the top-25 jerseys in '10 who has never made the playoffs and/or a Pro Bowl.

Tebow is basically the NFL's answer to Sarah Palin (or Michele Bachmann): a hugely polarizing figure who appeals to a very specific audience and is viewed as a hero despite having marginal talent and limited accomplishments.

Why is he so popular? He has done some admirable things off the field, but if you agree with his beliefs, then isn't someone like former 49ers RB Glen Coffee a lot more impressive? Coffee walked away from the NFL at age 23 to become a minister, which incidentally may end up being Tebow's only option when he washes out in the NFL.

Fans are obviously welcome to buy whichever NFL jerseys they want, but it's likely Tebow is the least talented and accomplished player to sell this much merchandise. Good for him for winning some popularity contests, but until he wins some games (he's 1-2 as a NFL starter) his jersey should be nowhere near the top sellers.

Fire the Flap Over Rescheduling a Yankees/Orioles Game

Buck doesn't hold back, even when wrong.

In most disputes, one side is right. Not so in the case of the Yankees' and Orioles' attempt to reschedule a game postponed by Hurricane Irene.

The game will be played September 8, one of two off days shared by both teams, but it took a lot of negotiating and even intervention by the MLB players union before a date was picked. Here's what happened, according to ESPN New York:

• The Yankees wanted to play the game during the Orioles' visit to the Bronx from Sept. 5-7, but MLB reportedly said no (annoying).
• The Yankees didn't want to play Sept. 15, an off day shared by both teams, because they will be on their way from Toronto to Seattle (totally reasonable).
• The Yankees really wanted to hold onto their Sept. 8 vacation day, but the players union eventually made it clear that the Yankees had to play that day or the 15th.

 The blame for this silliness could have rested entirely with the Yankees, except the Orioles decided to mouth off about it.

Orioles PR director Greg Bader said the Yankees shouldn't have put up a fight because Maryland was damaged by Irene. "We've just seen a hurricane come through this region which has caused millions to be without power, tens of millions of dollars in property damage and even several deaths. We've got people out there literally trying to put their lives back together and yet there are some still worrying about a rescheduled game time?" Bader is right that this issue should have been resolved quickly, but what does it have to do with the hurricane?

Then Orioles manager Buck Showalter chimed in because he can't pass on an opportunity to hate on the Yankees or Red Sox. The Orioles paid tribute to Mike Flanagan on Friday night, and Showalter decided that the negotiation for the makeup of Saturday's game somehow took away from the tribute. "I felt that some of the stuff was a little disrespectful to Flanny quite frankly. That didn't sit with me very well. I can tell you that." We fail to see how deciding when to make up the game is related in any way to a memorial for Flanagan.

The Yankees shouldn't have been so resistant to picking a date and the Orioles shouldn't have complained about irrelevant issues. The matter is settled, but both sides behaved badly and should be fired.

Friday Firings: NFL Playbooks on iPads, Hurricane Irene, 'White' Michael Vick

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Cool, but risky for playbooks.

Fire the Tampa Bay Bucs Using iPads for Playbooks: Sure, it seems like a cool idea for Tampa Bay to have its players download their playbooks to iPads. The problem is, aside from the usual dangers of players losing books or having them stolen, now the team is using a device that can be hacked. It's great that the team wants to be hip (and green!), but it's not worth the added danger.  

Fire Hurricane Irene for Cancelling Games: As a precaution, a variety of games scheduled to be played on the East Coast this weekend have been cancelled.Cancelling the games is probably for the best, but it sucks that millions of people could be trapped inside for two days with nothing to watch on TV, that is assuming they have power. Cancellations and postponements include: Mets/Braves, the New Haven (tennis) Open, a Major League soccer game and some PGA event, plus the Giants/Jets preseason football game has been bumped up by five hours.

Fire a "White" Michael Vick: The graphic accompanying this ESPN feature story is just creepy.

Hire Tim Hardaway's Change of Heart

Seems Hardaway saw the error of his ways.

In a development that seemed even less likely than Michele Bachmann becoming a serious presidential candidate, ex-NBA star Tim Hardaway has become an advocate for gay rights.

When former NBA player John Amaechi came out in 2007, Hardaway took a hard-line stance. "I hate gay people," he said at the time. "I don't like to be around gay people. I'm homophobic. I don't like it."

Despite the prevalence of homophobia in sports, Hardaway's words struck people for there pure, blunt hatred and he faced severe backlash in the media. In May, Hardaway said his comments "hurt (my reputation) tremendously. I'm still trying to rectify it. People ask me about it, and I tell them, 'That's in the past. I'm moving forward.'"

It seems he really has moved forward. Last week Hardaway spoke to a crowd in El Paso, Texas, where a group is trying to recall Mayor John Cook and two members of the city council for re-establishing domestic partner benefits for both gays and unmarried couples. "It's not right to not let the gays and lesbians have equal rights here," Hardaway said in his address.

Few saw this sort of turnaround coming, and even if this were purely a ploy to restore Hardaway's reputation, at the very least he is doing the right thing. But even Amaechi, while still skeptical, doesn't think Hardaway has changed his ways for purely selfish reasons. "I hope this is a story of true redemption rather than a savvy p.r. ploy. Either way, he is at least saying the right words, and that will make a positive difference," Amaechi told Sports Illustrated's Dave Zirin.  

With more and more athletes coming to the defense of gay marriage, perhaps society will eventually follow. It's going to take a long time, of course, but even if you don't agree with gay marriage, you have to agree that a decline in hate is a positive for society. Kudos to Hardaway for un-hardening his heart. 

Fire Cam Newton's Tattoo Ban

Good thing Newton didn't go to OSU.

When it comes to the potential face of his franchise, Carolina Panthers owner Jerry Richardson has made it clear that he wants QB Cam Newton to remain clean cut and tattoo/piercing free. This isn't unreasonable on its face, but it's unfair because it's an uneven policy that should either apply to the entire team or no one.

Newton said he doesn't have any tattoos or piercings and Richardson can't actually do anything to Newton should that change. The problem is, Richardson has signed plenty of guys (like TE Jeremy Shockey) who have multiple body modifications.

There's nothing wrong with an employer dictating employee appearance, but the same standard should apply to everyone. George Steinbrenner did many stupid things when he owned the Yankees but requiring his players to be clean-cut wasn't one of them. Sure he compromised with certain players, like when he made former 1B Jason Giambi cover up his tats or when he made former P Randy Johnson get a slight haircut, but the standard applied to everyone. Richardson is not wrong to want Newton to convey a certain image, but he is wrong not to demand the same thing of his whole team.

Fire the 49ers' Excuse that A 16-Game Season Led to Fan Injuries

York's comments suggest he puts money before fans. (AP).

In the aftermath of several serious injuries to fans at the 49ers/Raiders preseason game last week, the president of the 49ers made an incredibly irresponsible statement when he blamed the violence on the league's 16-game schedule.

"I think when you have a preseason game, when you don't have your regular-season ticket holders coming to the game, I think that plays a big factor into [violence]," Jed York said. He went on to say that an 18-game schedule would eliminate some preseason games and possibly prevent such riff raff from attending games at NFL stadiums. He and Raiders CEO Amy Trask also denied that alcohol consumption is a problem before or during games (eye roll).

York and Trask's comments make the HR Department's job pretty easy, so there's no need to go on a rant here. The only thing we will say is that York deserves additional criticism for beating a dead horse. The players overwhelmingly rejected the idea of an 18-game schedule, and with the NFL's labor situation settled for the next decade, it seems moot to raise an argument in favor of more games. Especially an incredibly dumb one.

Fire the USOC

The United States Olympic Committee confirmed today that it won't bid on the 2020 Summer Olympics, raising serious questions about the competence of the committee.

According to an Associated Press report, the committee felt not enough time was left to get a bid together by the September 1 deadline and that no process was even in place to select a city.

The reason for the inaction is being blamed, in part, on the failure of the USOC and the International Olympic Committee to agree on revenue sharing. This is a real issue, plus it's no secret that factions in the IOC have anti-US bias. The problem from a perception standpoint is that the USOC has had a series of high-profile bid failures. New York once put together an impressive nine-year effort to get the 2012 games, only to fall well short at the end. Chicago also tried pretty hard for the 2016 event, even using President Barack Obama to make a personal plea. Chicago finished fourth in the selection voting.

The US hasn't hosted an Olympic event since 2002 (not a long drought), but the Salt Lake City games are now tainted by bribery scandals. The US has done poorly when playing by the rules recently, and the IOC hasn't been too receptive to those efforts. Nonetheless, it's unacceptable for the USOC to not even make a bid for the Olympics every time, so the group needs to get its act together, resolve the revenue issues and land the games again.

Friday Firings: Cubs and Orioles GM Scenarios, Terry Bradshaw

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

There is little joy in Cubville, even with Hendry's exit.

Fire the Cubs Waiting to Fire Jim Hendry: The Cubs finally broke up with Hendry after a 17-year relationship (nine as GM) and the only question is: What took so long? Sure, Hendry did well on paper with division titles in 2003, 2007 and 2008. But other than in 2003, the Cubs were swept out of the playoffs in the first round. Beyond that, Hendry is responsible for a string of disastrous signings including: Carlos Zambrano (re-signed for five years at $91.5 million, hasn't won more than 14 games in a season since and is a huge distraction), Carlos Pena (signed for one year at $10 million, batting .225), Alfonso Soriano (has three years left on an eight-year deal, hasn't hit more than 29 homers or batted above .280 since 2007). As a team, the Cubs haven't been better than .516 for a season since 2008.

Hendry is also responsible for the decision to hire one-time interim manager Mike Quade on a permanent basis over legendary Cub Ryne Sandberg, even though nobody knows who the hell Quade is, he had almost no experience and Sandberg spent four years managing in the Cubs minor league system. Sure, Quade was 24-13 after he replaced the fed-up Lou Piniella in 2010, but Sandberg deserved better and it would have made the fans happy to have him in charge. Sandberg got so disgusted with the franchise that he left for a job with the Phillies and probably won't be back.  

In a related story, actor Ed Norton recently celebrated a birthday and when asked what he wants, said on Twitter that Orioles great Cal Ripken should be the team's manager and GM (Norton is from Maryland). While the team could use a new GM, Buck Showalter is a good manager - he just doesn't have a lot to work with. Ripken has no experience in talent evaluation and even if he did, Norton's idea ignores that the real problem in Baltimore is owner Peter Angelos. Angelos is responsible for such brilliant signings as the over-the-hill haul in 2005, which included Sammy Sosa, Javy Lopez and Miguel Tejada (all age 30+). Sosa batted .221 with 14 homers then retired, and while Lopez was productive for two years and Tejada for four, the team didn't get above .500 in that period. In fact, the team hasn't been above .500 since 1997. Anytime a team is that bad for that long, the finger should point squarely at ownership. Norton's idea is a nice one and would be good for PR, but it's going to take a lot more than Cal to fix things in Baltimore.

Fire Terry Bradshaw's Knowledge of US States: In an exchange with Joe Buck during the Steelers/Eagles preseason game last night, it was apparent that Terry Bradshaw didn't realize Hawaii is a state. Nobody expects much from him upstairs, but even little kids know this stuff. The video here is spotty, so there's also a transcript.

Hire the NFL's Suspension of Terrelle Pryor

Pryor's punishment stands.

After a deliberation second in length only to the Casey Anthony trial, the NFL decided to allow ex-Ohio State QB Terelle Pryor to enter the supplemental draft. There is a catch - Pryor will have to sit out five games if he gets drafted, the length of his punishment handed down by the NCAA.

Pryor received a five-game suspension in 2010 for his role in selling championship rings, jerseys and awards, and receiving improper benefits from an Ohio tattoo parlor. The suspension was not to be enforced until 2011, but Pryor bolted for the NFL when the scandal forced coach Jim Tressel to resign.

The HR Department generally disagrees with most of the NCAA's anachronistic and hypocritical rules to preserve the facade of amateurism, so we're not applauding the NFL for upholding the specific statutes. What we do applaud, though, is the NFL not allowing Pryor to skirt his punishment (and get paid a lot of money in doing so). The NFL has successfully sent the message that players who misbehave can't always run away from their problems.


A larger issue here is: Why is the NFL worried about sucking up to the NCAA? The NFL already guarantees the NCAA's cash cow by not allowing anyone to play in the league until they've been out of high school for 3 years (or would have been had they graduated). That should be enough. The NFL and NCAA clearly need each other, but it's not like Pryor is shaking the foundation of the NCAA if he gets off without punishment. Maybe the NFL doesn't want college juniors who are NFL eligible ignoring rules (even more than they already do), and maybe the league figures helping the NCAA can only help the NFL. 

Fire Eli's Claim That He's In Tom Brady's Class

Eli is no Brady (UPI).

Giants QB Eli Manning said he's right there with Patriots QB Tom Brady. While we know athletes have to believe in themselves to succeed, this is just a silly claim.

I consider myself in that class," Manning said on Michael Kay's radio show. "Tom Brady is a great quarterback, he's a great player and what you've seen with him is he's gotten better every year. I think now he's grown up and gotten better every year and that's what I'm trying to do. I kind of hope these next seven years of my quarterback days are my best."

Hold on there, Elisha (Manning's full name). With three Super Bowl rings, Brady has the most of any active QB. Manning has one, which earns him a lot of credibility (then again, Trent Dilfer has a ring), but he's still not even close to Brady. First, Manning threw 25 INTs last year. Brady threw four. In his worst season, Brady threw 14 INTs. Manning has topped that number four times, including a dismal 23/20 TD/INT ratio in 2007.

As for Manning's claims that he improved every year, that's not true statistically. In 2007 and 2010 he had a lower passer rating than in the previous season, and his season TD totals ranged from 21-27 every year between 2005 and 2009 with some drops from year to year.

In terms of career stats, adjusted for the fact that Brady has played more years, Eli has thrown for 2,000 fewer yards and that doesn't take Brady's 2008 injury into account. Brady also has a 192-156 TD advantage on Eli, again adjusting for Brady's longer career but not for his lost season in 2008. Brady also lead the NFL in TDs three times and Manning has never done that.

When you factor in intangibles, like Brady being married to Gisele Bundchen and Eli married to, uh, Abby McGrew (his college girlfriend), there's just no contest here.

Fire Jim Thome As Another Steroid Era Casualty

Thome broke in just before steroid use exploded.

The steroid era claimed another casualty on August 15: Jim Thome.

Thome hit his 600th home run, which happened rather quietly for a milestone that used to guarantee not only hall of fame admission, but a place among the 4-5 best players ever. There was no "Thome watch," no "live look-ins" on ESPN every time he batted for a week. Some of that can be blamed on Thome's low-key personality and his team. Nobody likes Alex Rodriguez and he took steroids, but he still got regular media coverage during his chase for 600 because he plays for the Yankees (we'll fire ESPN's East-coast bias another day).

We all know the main reason Thome didn't get much fanfare and nobody is pretending otherwise. It's sad, and it's not right, because there have never been any real rumors about Thome and drug use. Even Jose Canseco never once mentioned him. But that's the fallout from the era - everyone is guilty, not even with the qualifier of "until proven innocent." Just plain guilty, with very few exceptions.

ESPN's Tim Kirkjian said that Thome will get into Cooperstown. Why should he? He's got at least Kirkjian's vote, but baseball writers have their own set of unresolved issues. First, they are notoriously fickle. How else to explain Bert Blyleven's admission after 13 years on the ballot despite having 300 wins? He must have had a great year on ESPN Classic in 2010.

Writers also see themselves as the gate keepers of baseball, which is totally ridiculous considering a violent racist (Ty Cobb) and an admitted cheat (Gaylord Perry) are enshrined in Cooperstown. So far, none of the major steroid era home run hitters are in the hall. Ken Griffey Jr. will be the first exception to that, and it's doubtful Thome will follow. He played through the entire steroid era, and even though his overall numbers are comparable to guys like Reggie Jackson and Mickey Mantle, even Kirkjian explains Thome's development from an opposite-field hitter to home-run hitter suspiciously. "When Thome arrived in the big leagues, he was an opposite-field hitter, he rarely hit a ball to the right of center field. But he got bigger and stronger as he aged, he learned to pull the ball, and soon was hitting homers deep into the right-field seats," Kirkjian wrote. Is that really an acceptable explanation to anyone today, even if it's completely true?

It's a shame that Thome is hurt by his era, because everyone speaks glowingly of him. But until baseball writers re-evaluate the hall of fame selection process, it seems Thome is destined to be lumped with McGwire, Sosa or Bonds, even if he is a good person who really didn't cheat. 

Friday Firings: Brad Childress, Giants PR Man, NFL Advertising

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Fire Brad Childress' Hindsight: The former Vikings coach ripped recently retired WR Randy Moss this week. "We had good guys, by and large, [but Moss] walked in the locker room and vomited on it," he told the league's website. Moss certainly didn't make things better in Minnesota, but the team was 1-2 when Moss came on board and 4-5 after he left. Sure, the 1-3 stretch with Moss was weak, but Moss was not the main reason the team imploded last year. Childress is using Moss as a scapegoat and he hasn't been rehired in the NFL for a reason.

Don't dis the Giants on Hanlon's watch!

Fire a NY Giants PR Guy's Brutal Honesty: Giants spokesman Pat Hanlon used Twitter to lash out at "knucklehead" fans earlier this week and he pulled no punches. Aside from the "knucklehead" comment, in response to a fan who called the Giants' offseason a "debacle," Hanlon said: "Thanks Lombardi. Cause I know you know." A lot of fans are idiots, but the best thing to do is just not respond. Apparently Hanlon is really bad at his job and normally it's not a great idea for a sports franchise to insult some of its fanbase.

Fire NFL Teams Selling Ad Space on Practice Jerseys: It seems that at least several teams, including the Giants, Seahawks and Packers have been putting small corporate ads on the shoulders of their practice jerseys. A quick Google search indicated that this is a new trend for 2011, though it's not for sure. Guess that lockout really hurt. What's most surprising is one team that isn't selling ad space.

Fire MLB's First-Half Surprise Teams

This play may have sunk the Pirates' ship.

It seems the heat is wilting more than grass this summer as the Pirates, Indians and Royals have all fallen (or are falling) out of contention after spending at least some portion of the season in first place.

First to fall was Kansas City. The Royals carry low expectations every year, so when they started off 10-4 people got pretty excited (it doesn't take much to get a Royals fan excited, but still). Within one month, though, the Royals were a .500 team and 4.5 games out of first.

Reason for their rise: they were just hot. OF Jeff Francoeur, a career .268 hitter, came out of the gate at .333 (on April 20) and had hit 9 home runs by the end of May. Team ace Jeff Francis had an ERA of 3.00 through four starts. 

Reason for their fall: they're not actually a good team. Francoeur is down to .273 and has 6 home runs since the end of May. Francis is now 4-12 with a 4.51 ERA, which is the best on a truly awful pitching staff. They're 27th in team ERA, 28th in quality starts, 27th in WHIP and 28th in batting average against.

The next to fall were the Pirates. Pittsburgh even had commissioner Bud Selig hopeful that a small market, low payroll, crap roster team could succeed. After climbing into first place on July 19 for the first time since Honus Wagner's era, Pittsburgh went into a brutal tail spin within days, losing 13 of 14 games and falling out of contention.

Reason for their rise: excellent pitching. Their team ERA is .370, which is exactly what you need when your team averages 3.84 runs per game and bats .244.

Reason for their fall: a blown call that cost them an extra-inning game against the Braves on July 26 seemed to mess with their mojo and kicked off the losing streak. During the streak, the previously excellent pitching imploded and yielded 10+ runs four times, seven runs three times and six runs once.

The last to go was Cleveland. Although the Indians are only two games out of first, they had been in first from April 8 until July 7.

Reason for their rise: luck. The team BABIP (batting average on balls in play) in April was .309 (an average major leaguer has a .302 BABIP). For those who aren't dorks, BABIP is considered the best quantifier of luck in baseball.

Reason for their fall: luck: The team BABIP in June was .280.

It's nice to think that baseball has competitive balance, but the season is truly a marathon and sadly these three couldn't finish the race. That's not to say that teams besides the Rays can't make the playoffs despite low payrolls, but the 2011 season will not see a team replicate Tampa Bay's success.

Fire the Redskins Winning the NFC East

Grossman is a wee bit too optimistic. (Getty)

Redskins starting QB (according to the depth chart, anyway) Rex Grossman said he expects his team will win its division. The main reason he's wrong is mostly because he's the starting QB.

"Nobody's talking about us," Grossman said. "That's right where we want to be. You look at us from top to bottom out here, there's a bunch of great players. And we don't need people saying we're the best right now, but when it's all said and done, I really feel like this team's gonna win the East."

There's a reason nobody is talking about the Redskins, at least not in a positive sense. Grossman has been to the Super Bowl once, but it wasn't exactly on the strength of his play. In 2006 he threw for 3,193 yards with 23 TDs and 20 INTs along with a 73.9 passer rating. He went 13-3 that season mostly on the strength of the Bears' defense, and he was so bad that he got benched the next year despite the Super Bowl appearance. He has not been a full-time starter since.

If the Redskins instead decide to go with John Beck, whom coach Mike Shanahan thinks the entire league has been wrong about for four years, they'll have a guy who is 30 years old and last started a game in 2007. He's 0-4 in his career with a passer rating of 62.0 and a TD/INT ratio of 1/3. 

Beyond the QB issues, the Redskins have upgraded significantly at many positions, but this team still ranked 18th in total offense and 31st in total defense last season. How much can they realistically improve in one year? The NFC East is also very strong. The Eagles went on a free-agent spree that turned out to be Christmas in July, the Cowboys will have Tony Romo back and the Giants have beaten the Redskins five straight times plus 8/9.

Good try on the spin, Rexy. I'm sure you made Dan Snyder proud, but nobody with any sense is buying this prediction.

UPDATE: Grossman was so convincing that some fans have posted a Craigslist ad seeking a new QB.

Fire the Dodgers' Playoff Hopes

Loney: cock-eyed optimist (Getty).

The Los Angeles Dodgers' recent, um, two-game losing streak apparently has the team looking to October.

"This is one of the best teams I've ever been on, as far as personalities, the work that we put in and being confident," 1B James Loney said. "I don't see any doubt in anybody here." That optimism seems to have infected manager Don Mattingly, too. "Realistically, we've got to go out now and win four out of five all the time. If we can do that over a period of time and creep a little bit, you never know."

The Dodgers are particularly optimistic because they are the only NL team to have a winning record against the presumptive favorite Phillies over the past five seasons (19-18). That's fine and well, but here's why the Dodgers won't make the playoffs:

• The Dodgers are 10 games behind the first-place Giants as of August 9 with the Rockies and Diamondbacks also in front of them. So far this season the Dodgers are 5-7 against the D'backs (including 2-4 in July), 4-5 against the Giants and 6-6 against the Rockies.  

• Only three teams have blown an August double-digit lead since 1900. 

• The team's longest winning streak this season is five games and it has had three losing streaks of five games.

• Forget the Wild Card. The Dodgers are 14 back in that race, with nine teams in front of them. It ain't happening.

It would be a great story if the Dodgers made the playoffs, and you can't blame the team for being positive, but this is just totally unrealistic.

Hire A Parent Trap to Catch Deadbeats With Football Tickets

This "winner" was all smiles, at first.

Law enforcement officials in Alabama are apparently quite clever. The Lee County Sheriff's Office recently caught a dozen people who allegedly failed to pay child support by "giving away" tickets to the 2011 Alabama-Auburn football game (aka Iron Bowl), then arresting those who came to collect their "prize."

Suspects were told via mail that they had won tickets and that they could claim their prize at a specific location. More than 140 letters were mailed out to suspects who owed at least $30,000 with some owing as much as $75,000.

The sting was as clever as it was cruel. "Winners" entered a room to cheers and celebratory music, received congratulations, were asked which team they root for and even did interviews with the press. Then they were promptly taken into custody and informed that they had been fooled. Once the arrest was made, the happy music was changed to something along the lines of Queen's Another One Bites the Dust. One suspect even asked if he could still get tickets to the game. The answer was "no."

In hindsight it's hard to believe this worked since it's one of the oldest tricks in the book, but you can fool some of the people all of the time.

Friday Firings: More Dan Snyder, High School Football Deaths, New Bowl Name

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Snyder radiates love.

Fire Dan Snyder's Defense of His Lawsuit (Again): Every time Redskins owner Dan Snyder or his legal team try to defend his libel lawsuit against Dave McKenna, it always makes the suit look increasingly mean spirited and absurd. Now, Snyder's suit is fighting for its life because DC passed anti-SLAPP (strategic lawsuit against public participation) legislation right before Snyder moved his complaint from New York to Washington. Snyder's team is trying to argue that the DC City Council doesn't have the right to make laws affecting the DC Superior Court because only Congress can do that. It's possible that the argument is valid, but it's still essentially an argument that DC doesn't have the right to govern itself. Snyder is an ass. 

Fire High School Football Deaths: This week, two more high school football players died, this time in Georgia. Unfortunately it's the same story every year and the majority of the deaths happen in the South. The first reason for that is obvious (heat/humidity) but the second reason, less so - the South is consistently home to the highest percentage of obese people in the country. Two-a-days with overweight kids in sweltering heat is just asking for trouble, and nobody is going to argue that football is worth dying for. So maybe it's time to do something about this problem? There are a ton of options - ban outdoor practices when the heat index reaches a certain level, build more indoor practice facilities, limit the length of practices, or just don't allow schools to practice at all before school starts in September. Literally any of those things would make a huge difference, and yet nobody seems to want to take the steps to save lives. High school football deaths are beyond irresponsible - they're criminal, and if legal action is needed to stop people from dying, so be it.

Fire the Newest College Football Bowl Game Name: This week, the Humanitarian Bowl in Boise, Idaho (with its storied tradition dating to 1997!) became the Famous Idaho Potato (no "e," Dan Quayle) Bowl. This is one of dozens of meaningless bowl games and it just went from one stupid name to another (albeit a geographically relevant one). Nobody cared about the game before and nobody will care now. College football has way too many bowl games, and these corporate sponsorships aren't helping the case for keeping them around.

Fire a Defiant A-Rod

A-Rod probably did enough to be suspended.(AP)

It seems Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez just won't learn, and for that he should be fired.

A-Rod is under investigation for his alleged participation in a underground poker game in Beverly Hills that featured cocaine, a fist fight and million dollar payouts. A-Rod allegedly played in at least two games but stepped away once violence broke out and reportedly lost only a few thousand dollars.

If this were the first we'd heard of A-Rod's links to gambling, it could be dismissed. But in 2005 A-Rod was caught in a similar circumstance and was warned by both the Yankees and commissioner Bud Selig to stay away from underground poker games. To make matters worse, this is the second time this year A-Rod has invited controversy into his life. In June it was revealed that A-Rod continues to associate regularly with his cousin, who once served as his steroid mule. The cousin has been banned from all aspects of organized baseball, but A-Rod has managed to find ways around that.

A-Rod's continued defiance of Bud Selig has reportedly angered the commish. He has extraordinary power to suspend players, but he has never made use of it for anyone besides on-field brawlers and drug cheats. It's time for Bud to assert his authority and show what happens to players who defy him.

Fire Sports Commissioners Forgoing Salary for Show

Goodell should receive a $3.7 million check shortly.

NBA commissioner David Stern won't get paid during the NBA lockout, meaning he will lose an undetermined portion of his ludicrously lucrative annual salary, estimated at $15-$23 million. Stern is seemingly doing the right thing, but there's a chance this is just for show.

NBA players have begun to grumble that Stern won't lose any money under a new collective bargaining agreement, so perhaps he's throwing them a bone here. Philly 76ers C Spencer Hawes recently asked via Twitter why there have been "no rumblings about a pay cut for [Stern] while he asks every single player to do so."

Stern has yet to agree to take a permanent pay cut, but he seems to be following the lead of NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, who pledged to lower his salary to $1 for the duration of the NFL lockout. The thing is, it's now being reported that Goodell (estimated salary: $10 million per year) and player's union head DeMaurice Smith will collect all of the back pay they lost during the lockout.

We're not saying that those two didn't earn their money, but it makes Goodell's seeming sacrifice look a lot less sacrificial. Let's hope Stern doesn't do the same thing whenever the NBA lockout ends (sometime in 2013) and actually embraces the spirit of shared sacrifice during the work stoppage.

Fire Osi Umenyiora's Contract Gripe

Osi isn't seeing eye-to-eye with the Giants (Getty)

New York Giants star DE Osi Umenyiora is pretty unhappy that he has two years remaining on a four-year, $8 million dollar contract because he thinks he's worth much more. Every issue that Osi has raised is legitimate, the problem is that he's fundamentally challenging a system that can't be changed without creating chaos.

Osi is the latest in a line of players who recognize that they've outperformed their contracts. He said: "The fact is in the business we are in, if you get injured, or they feel like you underperformed, they cut you without hesitation. But if you clearly outplay your contract, and ask for something to be done, you're a bad guy and not a team player. It's ridiculous."

Absolutely true.

Osi also said: "How does a guy who had one good year (no disrespect to Charles Johnson) sign a deal and make more than both me and (Giants DE Justin) Tuck combined? It's not right. Just be fair."

Correct again. The Panthers just signed DE Charles Johnson to a $72 million deal, and he really only has had the one good year (his 11.5 sacks in 2010 were more than his total from 2007-2009). Beyond Johnson, guys like Julius Peppers and Albert Haynesworth recently signed deals in the $100 million range, and Umenyiora outplayed both of them last year. 

Even though Umenyiora is right about the one-sidedness of NFL contracts and the fact that his performance should put him among the game's highest-paid defensive linemen, he's still wrong to demand a new contract or trade. Because of the salary cap, bargain contracts are a necessity in the NFL. If every team had to pay fair market value every, single season for every, single player, teams wouldn't be able to afford anywhere near the level of talent they currently employ. Beyond that, it would be total chaos if teams had to re-negotiate contracts every year. The owners would also never allow re-negotiation only for players who improved, so players who underperformed would probably lose out the next year.

Umenyiora is being underpaid, and he says the Giants promised him in 2008 that they would give him more money in 2011 if his performance remained high. It has, and it sounds like the Giants lied. Osi is stuck, however, unless he wants to sit out the season or can find a trade. Sometimes life isn't fair, and right now it's not being fair to Umenyiora.

Fire Miguel Tejada's Defense of His Defense

Tejada's anger is misdirected (Getty).

During the trading deadline activity on July 31, the S.F. Giants picked up SS Orlando Cabrera from the Indians, presumably so that someone better than Miguel Tejada can play SS for the Giants. Tejada, who is on the DL, was predictably miffed about the situation, but his anger was not directed where you might expect. Tejada lashed out at the media, whom he says dissed his defense.

Tejada said: "All the reporters in San Francisco forget who I am. All the reporters put in the paper that I don't have range in this game. I'll prove it. I don't pay attention to what reporters say. All I do is work hard."

And just who is Tejada? Aside from a steroid user who lied to Congress, he's a former AL MVP and one-time excellent hitter - who was never much with the glove. He has a career fielding percentage of .971 and the league average at his position during his career has been .972. He is also around average by other, more advanced, metrics. His career range factor per game ((putouts + assists) / 9 innings) is 4.62 and the league average is 4.55. His range factor this year, however, is just 4.01 vs. the league average of 4.45.

Tejada probably feels threatened, and he should - Cabrera has three Gold Gloves (though none since 2007) and Tejada may find himself out of a job once he's healthy. But rather than lashing out at the media, maybe he should be pissed at his GM, Brian Sabean? Reports that Tejada doesn't have range anymore seem pretty accurate, and he's just another athlete who, at 37, can't admit that his career is winding down. If Tejada wants to keep complaining about news stories he doesn't pay attention to (ha), the HR Department will keep firing him.

Friday Firings: Kolb's Contract, No Palmer Trade, Pete Rose Bobblehead

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Kolb won't live up to his contract.

Fire Kevin Kolb's New Contract: The Cardinals picked up QB Kevin Kolb via trade this week from the Eagles. This was a good move. The Cardinals then offered Kolb a 5-year contract worth almost $64 million including $21 million guaranteed. This was not a good move. What the Cardinals need is simple: someone who can throw the ball in the vicinity of WR Larry Fitzgerald, which has been an issue since Kurt Warner retired. Kolb can probably do that, but he's just not worth anything close to what the Cardinals offered. He has three wins, four losses, 11 TD passes, a 109.6 passing yards per game average and a passer rating of 73.2 in his career. His numbers are comparable to epic disappointment JaMarcus Russell: seven wins, 18 TD passes, 131.7 yards per game and a 65.2 rating. Kolb is not Russell, but he's not Warner. Kolb was supposed to be the Eagles' starter in 2010 -- he went 2-3 with 7 TDs and was replaced by Michael Vick. Twice. Kolb will be better than anyone the Cardinals had under center last year (by default), but their offer suggests they think way too highly of him.

Fire Mike Brown's Refusal to Trade Carson Palmer: It's pretty clear that Bengals owner Mike Brown is going to call Carson Palmer's bluff and make the frustrated QB retire rather than trade him. Brown said this week: "Carson signed a contract, he made a commitment. He gave us his word. We relied on his word and his commitment. We expected him to perform here. If he is going to walk away from his commitment we aren’t going to reward him for doing it.” That would be a fair point if it weren't a load of hypocritical crap. Like all teams, the Bengals cut players. When a team cuts a player it's ending a contract (or commitment) prematurely, like when they cut WR Antonio Bryant last year before he even played a down with the team. That's business. That's reality. Mike Brown doesn't have any right to claim the high ground here. Palmer is frustrated (rightly) because the Bengals consistently show no commitment to winning or even getting better: After winning the AFC North in 2009, the team finished 4-12 in 2010. Brown is holding onto Palmer out of spite and against the team's best interest, showing once again why he is one of the worst executives in sports.

Fire the Baseball Hall of Fame Selling a Pete Rose Bobblehead: This is just silly but at least it's not a hot seller, having been marked down from $16.99 to $9.99.

Hire Bob Kraft: Lockout Ender

Did Kraft save the day?

The NFL lockout was bad publicity for both players and owners as a whole, but it seems one figure emerged from the debacle as something of a hero: Patriots owner Robert Kraft.

According to various reports, the league would not be in free agency overdrive at this very moment had it not been for Kraft. Colts C Jeff Saturday said: "Without [Kraft], this deal does not get done. ... He's a man who helped us save football." Players union head DeMaurice Smith was a bit less hyperbolic: "We couldn't have done this without you," he told Kraft.

Exactly what role Kraft played is speculative at this point (we may never know exactly how he helped), but he must have done something right if he's the only owner singled as helping the process along. We certainly know the likes of Dan Snyder, Al Davis and Mike Brown didn't get this deal done.

Perhaps Kraft was not so much instrumental in ironing out the details, but in realizing that lawyers were killing the process and dragging negotiations out indefinitely. At one point, he said: "We need to get the lawyers out of the way." He was right, and once that happened, progress happened. Hats off to Kraft for a job well done and giving us reason to spend entire Sundays on the couch this fall.

Fire Comparison Between Jackie Robinson and Bryce Harper

No other baseball experience compares with Robinson's (AP).

In a Sports Illustrated story due out this week, Nationals Director of Player Development Doug Harris said prized prospect Bryce Harper is subject to more media scrutiny than any player ever, except for maybe Jackie Robinson. Does this incredibly stupid comment need to be fired? I think you know the answer.

Harris said: “This is really unfair and it’s totally different, but if I can make a comparison to one guy that has been scrutinized like this, it would be Jackie Robinson. And it’s unfair because it was a different standard. He was under a microscope in an era when we didn’t have Internet, didn’t have cellphones. Now, Jackie Robinson had his life threatened. I’m not comparing Bryce to that. But as far as nonstop scrutiny? Absolutely. Day to day.”

At least Harris acknowledged that Harper isn't getting death threats, but even beyond that there is just no comparison. Robinson was so closely watched because the future of African Americans in baseball depended on everything he did. Millions wanted him to fail and millions wanted him to succeed. Everybody had a stake in his story. The only things that depend on Bryce Harper's success are the reputation of the Washington Nationals and the bank account of Scott Boras. To even suggest that Harper is going through something like what Robinson did is deeply insulting not only to Jackie, but all victims of hatred.

The other issue that Harris didn't address is why Harper is being scrutinized. It's because he asked for it. When you appear on the cover of Sports Illustrated as a 16-year-old, when you sign the biggest rookie contract ever, and when you do dumb stuff like blow kisses at a pitcher you just took deep, you're asking for attention.

So don't feel sorry for Harper, he'll be just fine. As for Harris, he needs to apologize for what he said. Until he does, he should be fired.

Fire A Family's Feud Over Sports Memorabilia

A Durham signed ball, worth about $10

An Illinois family is heading to court over a slimy series of incidents involving the signed baseballs a former White Sox board member left to his two sons.

The collection includes more than 200 balls signed by Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio and other greats, with a value in excess of $250,000. The trouble began when Ben Pogofsky noticed several balls were missing from the collection and had been replaced by relatively worthless balls, such as one signed by former Sox infielder Ray Durham. Turns out dozens of pricey balls had been swiped from Ben's Mother's house over several months by Brad Pogofsky, Ben's brother. Brad has since been charged with a felony and Ben got an order of protection prohibiting Brad from coming near him or his dog (we assume there was an incident with the dog).

This sounds a lot like another incident the HR Department recently discussed, involving Duke basketball season tickets, and it's no less disgusting. Maybe people are becoming greedier because of the economy, or maybe these people are just jerks. Probably some of both. Regardless, a judge should take away the tickets and the balls until these people can learn to play nicely.

Fire Michael Vick Stepping Into the Favre Comeback Fray

Hopefully these two will never meet on the field again.

Amid rumors that the Eagles are considering signing Brett Favre, Michael Vick tweeted that he "would be honored to have Brett Favre as a backup." The tweet was later deleted, but Vick should have stayed out of this mess.

The annual Favre comeback story is a two-headed monster partially fueled by the media desire for ratings, partially fueled by Favre's inner diva. To his credit, Favre has yet to comment on the rumor and has mostly stayed quiet this offseason, at least by his standard (though it's probably just a matter of time before he texts Chris Mortensen at midnight with an announcement).

So that leaves the media. As Vick should know, any little comment on Favre can turn into a firestorm of speculation.Vick already spawned stories on ESPN, Deadspin, SI, and, oh yeah, Sports HR. But it needs to stop now. Favre doesn't make sense in Philly - even though Vick's playing style means he can't go 16 games, does anyone really think Favre would be satisfied as a backup? He absolutely cannot be an effective starter anymore, but he probably does have enough left to play every once in a while. Still, when you bring in Brett Favre you have to deal with his injuries, deal with his drama and deal with the QB controversy he would most certainly create.

The Eagles showed they don't fear bad PR when they signed Vick, but why take the same risk twice? Vick happened to work out really well. Favre, on the other hand, most certainly wouldn't. Vick needs to realize that and ignore the rumors.

Friday Firings: Bengals Jump the Gun, Tiger Woods, Marion Jones

Every Friday the HR Department fires two or more things from around sports that range from silly to outrageous. Here's what we came up with this week:

Fire the Bengals Mistakenly Announcing the End of the NFL Lockout - In typical fashion, the Bengals managed to bungle a preseason move when they announced last night that the months-long NFL lockout was over... even though it's not. In a letter that basically begs people to buy season tickets, the Bengals said: "We are excited to let you know that the NFL has reached a new Collective Bargaining Agreement that allows the entire NFL season to be played this year." To make matters worse, the letter basically conceded that the team peaked in 2009. "Two years ago, our football team swept the AFC North—one of the toughest divisions in football—and many key components of that team remain, including defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer and a defense that ranked in the top half of the NFL for three straight seasons." Farther down, the team said that "95% of the Cincinnati population watched an NFL game during the 2009 season." The 2010 season (4-12 record) was not mentioned even once in the letter. Your 2011 Bengals, everyone!

Tiger and his caddie, in better times.

Fire Tiger Woods Firing His Caddie - Tiger fired his longtime caddie, Steve Williams, this week. The two had been friends for 12 years and Williams had no idea this was coming. Williams has been criticized for protecting Tiger from fans who were distracting his boss, sometimes grabbing their cameras away from them. But that's called loyalty, and with all the problems Tiger has had, Williams stood at his friend's side for the last two years. For his effort, he was repaid with a pink slip. Tiger Woods doesn't get it. The problem with his game isn't his caddie. The problems are that he's older, he's mentally unsteady and he's injured. Tiger wants desperately to get back to winning, but instead he made yet another move that will cast him in a negative light. Williams deserved better, but as we've learned, Tiger isn't very good at treating those close to him with respect. 

Fire Marion Jones, WNBA Player - Disgraced track star Marion Jones has been cut by the WNBA's Tulsa Shock (we're told that's a WNBA team, we don't actually know). This is a great move given that she was averaging less than one point per game on a 1-14 squad. Jones was a standout point guard at North Carolina in the 90s, but too much has happened to her since and everything she touches turns out badly for everyone involved. Nobody else should bother signing her.

Fire the Raiders and 49ers Sharing a Stadium

It's a bad idea to get involved with Al Davis.

Rumor has it that the Raiders and 49ers would like to build a new stadium somewhere in the Bay Area that they would share. In terms of saving money (potentially taxpayer money) this is a good idea but it would cause too many other problems and should be fired.

"We have said repeatedly that we have an open mind with respect to our stadium solution," Raiders chief executive Amy Trask said July 18. "We've put our teams together," said 49ers Chief Executive Jed York, also on July 18. "It doesn't mean we're going to find the right deal that fits for both teams, but we're certainly going to get a look at those options."

The biggest issue remains the exact location for the stadium, but there are other problems here. First, the field would be used every, single week and would frequently be in poor condition as a result. Second, the traffic would be an absolute mess every, single Sunday (neither team should play on Monday night) if one proposed spot, an island in the middle of the S.F. Bay, is selected. Third, neither team would ever really feel at home in a shared space (are they going to swap out each team's banners and signs each week?) and extra offices and practice facilities/locker rooms would probably have to be built to accommodate everyone.

Beyond those logistical problems, have two crappier teams ever shared a stadium? Neither team has had a winning record or made the playoffs since 2002 and between them they have three playoff appearances in the last decade. The only current stadium roommates who are close to the same level of awfullness are the Dolphins and Marlins. They have only three combined playoff appearances since 2001, but the Marlins won the 2003 World Series and were frequently competitive until recently. Not since the New York Yankees and New York (baseball) Giants shared the Polo Grounds in the early 1920s have two really good teams called the same building home (the two met in the World Series from 1921-1923).

Since it's so rare for two good teams to play in the same stadium, the Raiders and 49ers should avoid shacking up at all costs. Even though these teams need new stadiums, it would be a doomed relationship. Let's just fire this before it goes beyond the rumor stage.

Fire Teams/Coaches That 'Misinterpret' Rules

Rules are confusing, even for a smart guy.

The NCAA slapped LSU with a year of probation for its football program because of a major violation involving the recruitment of a junior college player as well as numerous minor infractions. When the football program attempted to explain itself, part of its excuse included a "misinterpretation" of the rules. Anybody who uses misinterpretation as an excuse for breaking rules should definitely be fired.

Rule misinterpretation seems to be a growing epidemic in sports, thanks mostly to Patriots coach Bill Belichick. During the fallout from Spygate in 2007, Belichick claimed he "misinterpreted' the rule about secretly taping opponents during games. Here's what the rule says:

"Any use by any club at any time, from the start to the finish of any game in which such club is a participant, of any communications or information-gathering equipment, other than Polaroid-type cameras or field telephones, shall be prohibited, including without limitation videotape machines, telephone tapping, or bugging devices, or any other form of electronic devices that might aid a team during the playing of a game."

That is pretty vague stuff. But then again, Belichick seems to have a hard time interpreting other things, like the rules of marriage (he allegedly cheated on his wife and divorced her in 2006).

Since 2007, several other coaches have "misinterpreted" rules:

• Ex-Michigan football coach Rich Rodriguez, on numerous NCAA violations: "We're looking at it to see why we misinterpreted and why we made mistakes."
• New Jersey high school basketball coach Kevin Boyle on why he violated regulations that prohibit out-of-season workouts with a coach: “I misinterpreted the rule and didn’t check on it."
• Fullerton College men's tennis coach on why a Spanish player who had been a pro prior to his college career played for Fullerton: "I had no idea he made any money," Roger See said. "It's just a misinterpretation of the rules on the Spanish side and us not knowing what he had done on that side of the pond."

Most sports rules aren't very complicated, and since coaches aren't exactly Supreme Court justices, they aren't supposed to be interpreting what the rules mean or how they are applied. If a coach genuinely doesn't understand a rule, he should probably take the radical step of asking for clarification rather than just doing whatever he wants and dealing with the consequences later. For some reason nobody ever "misinterprets" a rule until they get caught breaking it, and nobody who is innocent has ever used the "misinterpretation" defense. So the defense (and those who use it) should be fired.